1
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,566
Joel:
Say, another tidbit of trivia.

2
00:02:03,568 --> 00:02:05,135
Hitler, had only one ball.

3
00:02:05,137 --> 00:02:07,605
-(laughing)
-Oh it's absolutely true.

4
00:02:07,607 --> 00:02:08,974
-Adolf Hitler...
-You're possessed.

5
00:02:08,976 --> 00:02:10,474
-one testicle.
-Hitler's balls.

6
00:02:10,476 --> 00:02:12,344
That's probably why he was
in such a bad mood all the time.

7
00:02:12,346 --> 00:02:13,478
-(laughing)
-Yeah, I guess

8
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,713
the other one got ate-off.

9
00:02:14,715 --> 00:02:16,014
(all talking)

10
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:19,018
-That's a funny Nazi joke.
-Pay attention, you'll laugh.

11
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:22,188
Hey, you know what?
Isaac here has seven testicles.

12
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,224
-No kidding!
-Thank you very much.

13
00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:26,261
-Wow. That's great!
-One for each day of the week?

14
00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,563
Isaac: My underpants are like
a sack of red russet potatoes.

15
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,167
-My brother has four nipples.
-That's so cute.

16
00:02:31,169 --> 00:02:33,069
Two are sensitive
and the others ones

17
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:35,538
-are just kind of... extra.
-You have your genitals, right,

18
00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:37,641
or did you lose them in some
horrible dradel accident?

19
00:02:37,643 --> 00:02:39,076
Maybe that's him
and his nipples.

20
00:02:39,078 --> 00:02:40,610
How do you lose your nipples
in a dradel accident?

21
00:02:40,612 --> 00:02:42,280
-Need help?
-I'm fine, thanks.

22
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:45,950
-Art! You made it.
-Oh, I'm late?

23
00:02:45,952 --> 00:02:47,785
No, no, no, no...
that's all right.

24
00:02:47,787 --> 00:02:49,587
The copyright thing, it's done.

25
00:02:49,589 --> 00:02:51,290
You want that title?
-It's yours.

26
00:02:51,292 --> 00:02:53,625
Sophie: Art.
So glad you could make it.

27
00:02:53,627 --> 00:02:56,196
-You look great.
-Thank you.

28
00:02:56,198 --> 00:02:57,797
Oh, just a little token
of gratitude.

29
00:02:57,799 --> 00:02:59,900
-Oh! Wow!
-Oh. My Lord.

30
00:02:59,902 --> 00:03:01,301
Cocktail onions. Honey look.

31
00:03:01,303 --> 00:03:02,770
-Cocktail onions.
-Cocktail onions.

32
00:03:02,772 --> 00:03:05,272
-That's so thoughtful of you.
-They're great with peas.

33
00:03:05,274 --> 00:03:07,109
I'm going to put
this in the kitchen.

34
00:03:07,111 --> 00:03:08,710
Make sure he meets everybody.

35
00:03:08,712 --> 00:03:10,346
What can I get you to drink?

36
00:03:10,348 --> 00:03:12,315
-Uh... wine?
-Art: Yeah, sure.

37
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,384
Gang! I'd like you to meet
my friend Art.

38
00:03:14,386 --> 00:03:16,753
He's a client of mine.
He's a fabulous writer.

39
00:03:16,755 --> 00:03:18,155
He's a good guy.

40
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,556
This is Sam, this is Sam.

41
00:03:19,558 --> 00:03:20,624
-Hi.
-Sam.

42
00:03:20,626 --> 00:03:21,793
-Sam and Sam.
-Yes.

43
00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:23,661
Which one is Sam
and which one is Sam...

44
00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,930
Uh... never heard that one.

45
00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:27,033
I'm sure, yes.

46
00:03:27,035 --> 00:03:29,135
I know,
it's a little bit too cute,

47
00:03:29,137 --> 00:03:30,736
but what can you do, it happens.

48
00:03:30,738 --> 00:03:32,104
You can call me Sammie.

49
00:03:32,106 --> 00:03:33,706
-Sammie.
-Yes.

50
00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:35,274
-Cute.
-Hey Art... Isaac.

51
00:03:35,276 --> 00:03:36,510
Isaac! How are you?

52
00:03:36,512 --> 00:03:38,146
-My wife Claudia.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

53
00:03:38,148 --> 00:03:39,212
Nice to meet you.

54
00:03:39,214 --> 00:03:40,915
I'm the only one
who's not married.

55
00:03:40,917 --> 00:03:43,652
Oh... no, no, no, no,
we're not married.

56
00:03:43,654 --> 00:03:45,554
-Yet! We're... doing it.
-Yet.

57
00:03:45,556 --> 00:03:47,222
Oh, oh, oh, I see...

58
00:03:47,224 --> 00:03:48,791
-Really?
-Yeah, we're doing IT.

59
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:51,594
(everybody laughing)

60
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,766
Well... you are pregnant,
aren't you?

61
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,568
Did ah, did I just make ah...

62
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,770
(laughing)

63
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,871
Is this a tumor or
goiter or something?

64
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,073
Jeez!

65
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,241
Isaac: There will be
no goitering there!

66
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,343
Art: The fact of the
matter is that

67
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:08,581
we all live in a constant
state of collective denial.

68
00:04:09,451 --> 00:04:10,883
Sammie: (laughing)
Denial of what?

69
00:04:11,553 --> 00:04:13,186
Everything.

70
00:04:13,188 --> 00:04:15,923
I mean, do you really believe
when you walk into a restaurant,

71
00:04:15,925 --> 00:04:18,725
that everyone in the kitchen
has clean hands?

72
00:04:19,763 --> 00:04:20,963
You have to know that
the waiter

73
00:04:21,131 --> 00:04:23,199
just plucked his shorts
out of the crack of his ass--

74
00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:26,203
Stop it! Art. That is so gross.

75
00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:29,039
Or the cook is diggin'
right in his ear before he--

76
00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:30,907
Sam: It would never happen
in our restaurant.

77
00:04:30,909 --> 00:04:32,809
That's it.
Now stop!

78
00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:34,812
Thank God for denial,

79
00:04:34,814 --> 00:04:37,448
because then we don't have
to think about things like that.

80
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:40,284
Claudia: You know, I was doing
this photoshoot the other day.

81
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:43,422
And it was two basset
hounds getting married.

82
00:04:43,424 --> 00:04:46,626
And everything was so adorable,
until the groom tried to

83
00:04:46,628 --> 00:04:48,661
hump this poodle
that was the maid of honor.

84
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,898
Sammie: Oh. Uh-oh,
did the bride get jealous?

85
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,800
No, actually,
I think she was too busy

86
00:04:52,802 --> 00:04:54,368
sniffing the best man's ass
to notice.

87
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:55,504
(laughing)

88
00:04:55,506 --> 00:04:57,672
Joel:
All right! That was just lovely!

89
00:04:57,674 --> 00:04:59,608
That is because dogs

90
00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:02,278
do not have
the artificial restraints

91
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,314
put on their biological needs
that we people do.

92
00:05:05,316 --> 00:05:08,051
What do you mean
"artificial restraints"?

93
00:05:08,052 --> 00:05:09,620
Art:
It's another one of the denials.

94
00:05:09,622 --> 00:05:11,655
Probably the most rampant one.

95
00:05:11,657 --> 00:05:14,859
The monogamy denial.

96
00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:16,895
The monogamy denial.

97
00:05:16,897 --> 00:05:19,732
That sounds like a great title
for your next book.

98
00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:22,234
What! You don't
believe in monogamy?

99
00:05:22,236 --> 00:05:25,705
I think that monogamy
is not natural.

100
00:05:25,707 --> 00:05:29,710
It's not necessary and I really
don't even think it exists.

101
00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:31,246
At least not in practice.

102
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:35,250
It turns otherwise
honorable people into liars.

103
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,085
With the exception
of this group of course.

104
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,453
Claudia:
Wait a minute. Are you...

105
00:05:38,455 --> 00:05:40,957
are you insinuating
that we not monogamous?

106
00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:42,892
I mean,
what the hell do you know?

107
00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:47,298
All right, fine you're right.

108
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,633
No one ever cheats.

109
00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:53,104
Sex with your spouse gets
better and better and better

110
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:55,507
with every year of marriage.

111
00:05:55,509 --> 00:05:58,644
And men really are just
working late at the office.

112
00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:01,815
-Everyone feel better?
-You are a complete simpleton.

113
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:04,451
Art: My... Defensive.
Do I smell hypocrisy?

114
00:06:04,453 --> 00:06:05,586
Oh! Fuck you!

115
00:06:05,789 --> 00:06:07,621
Joel: Whoa, whoa, hey, hey,
this is a dinner party,

116
00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:09,290
we're supposed to be
having fun.

117
00:06:09,292 --> 00:06:10,625
Let's have some fun,
it's a beautiful night.

118
00:06:10,627 --> 00:06:11,826
Sorry.

119
00:06:11,828 --> 00:06:13,329
Joel: Can we just
talk about, you know...

120
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,364
-something more light hearted?
-Art: Yes, that's a great idea.

121
00:06:15,366 --> 00:06:16,933
Let's skirt all real issues.

122
00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:18,902
-Let's talk about fishing.
-Joel: No, I... come on...

123
00:06:18,904 --> 00:06:20,737
...no one skirts any issues.

124
00:06:20,739 --> 00:06:22,807
There's certain things
people don't like to talk about.

125
00:06:22,809 --> 00:06:28,347
People cheat. Like it or not,
it happens all the time.

126
00:06:29,182 --> 00:06:32,986
Perhaps that's why they don't
like to talk about it.

127
00:06:32,988 --> 00:06:35,020
All I know is
when you find the woman

128
00:06:35,022 --> 00:06:37,558
that you wanna spend
the rest of your life with,

129
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,661
you don't want to cheat.
Trust me on that.

130
00:06:40,663 --> 00:06:43,364
Ah, you are so sweet.

131
00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:46,901
I don't know.

132
00:06:46,903 --> 00:06:48,570
Maybe some men do cheat,

133
00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:50,573
but I don't think most men do,

134
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,108
and women certainly don't.

135
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:55,211
Well, I agree there,
women certainly cheat less,

136
00:06:55,213 --> 00:06:59,316
but the male animal
is like a sex crazed dog.

137
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:02,654
When they're not having sex,
they want sex,

138
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,656
they think about sex.

139
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,959
They dream about sex.

140
00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:09,328
Sex with lots of women.

141
00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:12,531
It's programmed into them.
It's biological.

142
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,068
Blame it on biology.
That's perfect excuse.

143
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:16,970
Men are not different
than that Basset Hound

144
00:07:16,972 --> 00:07:19,072
who was screwing the bridesmaid
at his own wedding.

145
00:07:19,074 --> 00:07:20,508
-Ugh! That's disgusting.
-Claudia: Art,

146
00:07:20,510 --> 00:07:23,377
just because you are obviously
a sex crazed

147
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:27,649
degenerate pig, doesn't mean
that all men are the same.

148
00:07:27,651 --> 00:07:29,385
Who is this guy anyway?

149
00:07:29,387 --> 00:07:31,354
Art:
Men are men.

150
00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:33,724
You know, this is like
the stupidest conversation

151
00:07:33,726 --> 00:07:35,792
I've never been forced
to listen to.

152
00:07:35,794 --> 00:07:38,062
I'm sorry,
I'm just trying to be honest.

153
00:07:38,064 --> 00:07:40,397
Joel: Cigars! Who...
who wants a cigar?

154
00:07:40,399 --> 00:07:42,299
Thank you,
but we really have to go.

155
00:07:42,301 --> 00:07:43,902
-No, no.
-We're gonna call a cab.

156
00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:45,203
Sophie:
Sweetie, don't go.

157
00:07:45,205 --> 00:07:46,772
Sammie:
Guys, this has been so nice.

158
00:07:46,774 --> 00:07:49,008
Sam: She needs to get
some sleep, she's really tired.

159
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,644
Sophie:
You guys, it's so early.

160
00:07:50,646 --> 00:07:53,413
Claudia: Oh, it was great,
thanks, so much.

161
00:07:53,415 --> 00:07:54,982
Sophie:
Well, I'm gonna walk you out.

162
00:07:54,984 --> 00:07:56,416
Sammie:
This is delicious.

163
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:58,952
Joel:
Drive safe.

164
00:07:58,954 --> 00:08:00,288
Great dinner, Soph.

165
00:08:03,327 --> 00:08:04,693
(sighs)

166
00:08:10,168 --> 00:08:11,602
Isaac:
He's a jerk.

167
00:08:11,604 --> 00:08:14,270
You being upset right now
is exactly what he wants.

168
00:08:14,272 --> 00:08:15,706
Sweetie, the longer
you stay angry,

169
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:17,241
the longer he wins.

170
00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:19,077
Yeah, but he just rattles off

171
00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:21,580
these ridiculous platitudes
like they were facts.

172
00:08:21,582 --> 00:08:23,181
He has a Napoleon complex.

173
00:08:23,183 --> 00:08:26,219
"All couples cheat".
"All men are dogs".

174
00:08:26,221 --> 00:08:28,622
All this. All that.
And did you...

175
00:08:28,624 --> 00:08:29,890
did you see that jacket?

176
00:08:29,892 --> 00:08:32,426
Sweetie,
the guy's stuck in the 70's.

177
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,665
Um, excuse me... Azar.

178
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:38,800
Yes, missus.

179
00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:40,435
Can I ask you
a personal question?

180
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,604
Okay.

181
00:08:41,606 --> 00:08:43,305
-Are you married?
-Oh, yes.

182
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:44,707
Now be honest.

183
00:08:44,709 --> 00:08:46,476
And you can be perfectly
straightforward with me,

184
00:08:46,478 --> 00:08:49,146
because we'll never see
each other again.

185
00:08:49,148 --> 00:08:51,115
Have you ever
cheated on your wife?

186
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,316
All the time.

187
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:56,722
-Really?
-I can't get enough.

188
00:09:06,668 --> 00:09:08,535
Sam: I personally find it
very offensive

189
00:09:08,537 --> 00:09:11,505
that he would lump me into the
cesspool of male cynicism.

190
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:15,277
Sammie: Ugh! Please!
The cynicism was all a cover-up.

191
00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:17,012
You know, I bet that he had
some kind of

192
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,647
really bad love experience.

193
00:09:18,649 --> 00:09:20,783
-Probably.
-No, seriously.

194
00:09:20,785 --> 00:09:22,919
I mean, it just felt
like everything he said

195
00:09:22,921 --> 00:09:24,654
stemmed from some kind of...

196
00:09:24,656 --> 00:09:26,857
I don't know,
some kind of deep pain.

197
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:29,060
Sammie:
Couldn't you feel that?

198
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:31,496
I think he was just
crying out for help.

199
00:09:31,498 --> 00:09:33,031
I think he's full of shit.

200
00:09:35,135 --> 00:09:36,401
Sam:
Deep pain.

201
00:09:37,371 --> 00:09:40,039
I don't know, maybe I am
in complete denial

202
00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:41,907
like Art says.

203
00:09:41,909 --> 00:09:44,544
Are all men just
slaves to their biology?

204
00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:46,047
Uh come on, don't be ridiculous.

205
00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:48,216
You really don't know
the answer to that question?

206
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:51,452
No. You cheated
on your first wife.

207
00:09:51,454 --> 00:09:54,056
(laughing) That, ah...
That's completely different.

208
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:57,727
-How?
-I was cheating with you.

209
00:09:57,729 --> 00:10:00,530
-The love of my life.
-(giggles)

210
00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:02,131
(moans)

211
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:05,603
(heavy moan of pleasure)

212
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,709
(moans and laughing)

213
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,912
-Good morning.
-Good morning.

214
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,382
Oh God! Can't believe the time.

215
00:10:16,384 --> 00:10:18,986
I've got a photoshoot
in less than half an hour.

216
00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:20,821
Uh, uh.

217
00:10:20,823 --> 00:10:22,623
Just blow in off
and fuck all day.

218
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:25,260
-Yeah right. You wish!
-Stop! I'm gonna pee.

219
00:10:26,396 --> 00:10:28,329
Claudia:
You think I look old, don't you?

220
00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,033
Isaac:
What are you talking about?

221
00:10:31,035 --> 00:10:33,969
Well, I mean...
look at me, I look ninety.

222
00:10:35,873 --> 00:10:37,773
I think you look nineteen.

223
00:10:37,776 --> 00:10:41,611
Oh... You think I should
get these lines filled in?

224
00:10:41,613 --> 00:10:43,147
Right here.

225
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:44,315
You kidding?

226
00:10:45,118 --> 00:10:46,984
Well no, I mean it's
very safe now.

227
00:10:46,986 --> 00:10:49,655
They use the fat from your ass.

228
00:10:49,657 --> 00:10:52,325
God knows I've got enough
of that build me whole new head.

229
00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:53,826
Fishing for compliments today?

230
00:10:53,828 --> 00:10:54,894
-Huh? Huh?
-What?

231
00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:56,229
(makes fishing noise)

232
00:10:56,231 --> 00:10:59,233
-Okay, yeah, maybe, maybe.
-Want to go fishing?

233
00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:01,869
(breathing heavily)

234
00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:07,642
I think you look
more beautiful now than ever.

235
00:11:08,612 --> 00:11:09,811
Oh.

236
00:11:14,553 --> 00:11:16,753
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm late.

237
00:11:16,755 --> 00:11:18,555
The judge had a panic attack
and we had to wait

238
00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,658
for his girlfriend
to bring his medication.

239
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:22,026
Mr. Richmond called.

240
00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:23,861
He's hoping you can get
another postponement.

241
00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,698
-Ha! Ha!
-Mrs. Yettie called.

242
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,299
-She wants to drop the suit.
-No.

243
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:28,634
You should call her right away.

244
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:30,402
She wants to drop the suit. Why?

245
00:11:30,404 --> 00:11:31,805
Because she's feeling guilty.

246
00:11:31,807 --> 00:11:34,908
Guilty? A bus runs over
her feet and she feels guilty?

247
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,011
And your brother's waiting
for you in the office.

248
00:11:38,381 --> 00:11:40,082
Oh...

249
00:11:40,084 --> 00:11:41,282
Joel:
Great.

250
00:11:45,723 --> 00:11:48,590
-Uh... you're late?
-Do you mind?

251
00:11:49,661 --> 00:11:51,227
Come on! We gotta
make this quick

252
00:11:51,229 --> 00:11:53,464
-I'm backed up today.
-Try bran.

253
00:11:53,466 --> 00:11:56,166
That's funny. That's really
funny, Reuben. What?

254
00:11:56,168 --> 00:11:57,434
Hurry up. What is it?

255
00:11:57,436 --> 00:11:59,237
You know, Joel,
just because I'm your brother,

256
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:00,972
doesn't mean I'm not a client.

257
00:12:00,974 --> 00:12:02,240
Reuben:
Just like everybody else.

258
00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:04,744
No you're not.
You're not like everybody else.

259
00:12:04,746 --> 00:12:06,712
Everybody else pays me money.

260
00:12:06,714 --> 00:12:08,080
Joel: What the hell
happened this time?

261
00:12:08,082 --> 00:12:10,384
All right. Well, there might be

262
00:12:10,386 --> 00:12:13,086
a tiny assault
and battery case that

263
00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:15,623
-may be waged against me.
-Again?

264
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:17,291
This time was different, Joel.

265
00:12:17,293 --> 00:12:18,893
This time it was self defense,
I swear to God!

266
00:12:18,895 --> 00:12:21,696
-It was self defense!
-Jesus, let's hear it.

267
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:27,637
Well... I'm on this date,
with this really hot chick.

268
00:12:28,439 --> 00:12:30,675
Right. What's her name?

269
00:12:31,577 --> 00:12:32,742
Puddles.

270
00:12:34,947 --> 00:12:37,715
-That's her name, Puddles?
-It's cute, isn't it?

271
00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:40,218
She another one of your, uh...
your fat girls?

272
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,722
Watch it!

273
00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:44,757
I'm sorry, that was rude.
Go on.

274
00:12:44,759 --> 00:12:46,759
So...
we're in this ice cream parlor--

275
00:12:46,761 --> 00:12:48,728
Do you actually
have sex with these women?

276
00:12:49,265 --> 00:12:51,432
Yes. I do.

277
00:12:51,434 --> 00:12:54,368
Uh, Joel, let me tell
you something, okay?

278
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,971
Reuben:
Sex with fat women

279
00:12:56,973 --> 00:12:59,174
is one of the great
secret treasures

280
00:12:59,176 --> 00:13:01,944
of our sexually
repressed society.

281
00:13:01,946 --> 00:13:06,616
To be entirely engulfed,
smothered in female flesh,

282
00:13:06,618 --> 00:13:09,619
like a water bed
of tissue and love...

283
00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:12,889
Ah! Ugh! Enough. Enough.

284
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:16,061
Thanks. Just...
tell me your little story.

285
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,865
Right, anyhow, this guy is just
staring at us with this look.

286
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,166
And I know what he's thinking.

287
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,001
He's thinking
we're a couple of freaks

288
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,139
because my date
happens to be a tad overweight.

289
00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:28,075
Right. So I say "Hey!

290
00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:30,878
What the fuck
are you looking at? Huh?

291
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:35,550
I suppose you think
my date is too fat for you!"

292
00:13:35,552 --> 00:13:36,918
Reuben:
Anyway, he stands up.

293
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,387
I punch him as hard as I can.
Right in the face.

294
00:13:39,389 --> 00:13:41,892
And that's when the cops come.
It's a big mess.

295
00:13:41,894 --> 00:13:43,359
Whatever.

296
00:13:44,262 --> 00:13:47,831
You see...
that's not self defense, Reuben.

297
00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:50,835
-That's you being an asshole.
-No. That is self defense.

298
00:13:50,837 --> 00:13:53,705
He stood up,
I took that as a direct threat.

299
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,209
Alright. I'll uh...

300
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,611
I'll look over
the police report.

301
00:13:58,613 --> 00:14:01,214
I'll see what I can do.
But in the mean time,

302
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,518
please, keep your hands
in your pockets!

303
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,621
-My brother. You are a prince.
-Don't.

304
00:14:06,623 --> 00:14:08,856
You are a king among men.

305
00:14:08,858 --> 00:14:10,792
-Joel, I love you, my brother.
-Don't! Stop!

306
00:14:10,794 --> 00:14:12,728
Stop! Stop! Stop,
with the kissing.

307
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,530
-Jeez!
-Joel, I don't want you to think

308
00:14:14,532 --> 00:14:16,499
that I don't appreciate all
the work you do for me.

309
00:14:16,501 --> 00:14:19,669
-I'm sure you do.
-And um, I can't really afford

310
00:14:19,671 --> 00:14:21,672
-to pay you anything right now.
-Oh.

311
00:14:21,674 --> 00:14:23,773
Uh, but I have
something else for you.

312
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:26,410
I got two tickets
to the hockey game.

313
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:32,017
Thursday night, great seats,
easily worth fifty bucks.

314
00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:35,321
Ah, that's uh,
that's very nice of you.

315
00:14:35,323 --> 00:14:36,923
Thank you very much, Reuben.

316
00:14:36,925 --> 00:14:38,358
I'll give them to you
for twenty.

317
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,994
-No, give them to me for free.
-Hey!

318
00:14:40,996 --> 00:14:43,096
Yeah Dawn, has Sophie called?

319
00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:44,632
<i>Dawn:
 No, Mr Gold.</i>

320
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,100
Oh... thanks.

321
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,338
We were, uh,
maybe gonna have lunch today.

322
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:52,508
Guess she forgot.

323
00:14:53,077 --> 00:14:55,011
Oh, my God.

324
00:14:55,681 --> 00:14:58,315
That is the biggest penis

325
00:14:58,317 --> 00:15:01,319
I have ever seen
in my entire life.

326
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:05,791
And just think... that's limp.

327
00:15:07,795 --> 00:15:09,228
Unreal.

328
00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:14,200
Dr. Taft: Take a good long look.
The human body.

329
00:15:14,469 --> 00:15:15,835
We've been talking
about it now

330
00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:18,071
for the last couple
of semesters.

331
00:15:18,073 --> 00:15:19,373
Reading about it.

332
00:15:20,577 --> 00:15:22,643
Lots of pictures.

333
00:15:22,645 --> 00:15:24,846
But today, ladies and gentlemen,

334
00:15:24,848 --> 00:15:27,482
today, we have the real thing.

335
00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:31,754
Congratulations
on your first cadavers.

336
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,924
Ugh! They stink!

337
00:15:33,926 --> 00:15:36,426
Ah yes. Well,
that will be the formaldehyde.

338
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:39,163
But don't you worry,
it gets a lot worse with time.

339
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:40,698
(chuckles)

340
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:43,601
Now look, I know this is a
new experience for all of you.

341
00:15:43,603 --> 00:15:45,371
But if you're going
to be doctors,

342
00:15:45,373 --> 00:15:47,973
you're going to have
to dive in head first.

343
00:15:47,975 --> 00:15:51,677
And get past this rather
unpleasant first part.

344
00:15:51,679 --> 00:15:54,314
As I have every
confidence you will.

345
00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,587
Great scott!

346
00:15:59,589 --> 00:16:02,123
Would you look
at the size of that thing!

347
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,159
I know, it's huge.

348
00:16:04,161 --> 00:16:05,360
Uh, um, a ruler.

349
00:16:05,362 --> 00:16:07,129
Some-- somebody get me
a ruler. Quickly.

350
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,701
(applause)

351
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:12,969
Ernie.

352
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:15,172
In the twenty three years
of our marriage,

353
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:20,111
I have never, never,

354
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,447
(crying)
had an orgasm with you.

355
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,617
Wha-- wha-- wha--

356
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,420
Haven't you ever heard...

357
00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:29,922
<i> "Thou shall not lie"? Bitch!</i>

358
00:16:29,924 --> 00:16:32,626
<i>Audience:
 Oooooo, ohhhhh,</i>

359
00:16:35,532 --> 00:16:37,332
<i>TV Host: It seems to me
 that you did keep Ernie...</i>

360
00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:38,499
Bonnie:
I'm here!

361
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,502
Hey, I'm in the living room!

362
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:42,104
Bonnie:
Come on in, Hank.

363
00:16:42,106 --> 00:16:44,207
I'm wearing my painting smock.

364
00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:46,176
Just ready to work. Hi!

365
00:16:47,279 --> 00:16:49,879
Look who's here, is that Sammie?

366
00:16:49,881 --> 00:16:52,082
Jason. Let's go over here.

367
00:16:52,084 --> 00:16:53,517
Sweetie?

368
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:55,287
Stay right here, and you
guys are going to play here

369
00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:56,687
nice and quiet.

370
00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:59,591
And mommy's going to
help Sammie paint, huh?

371
00:16:59,593 --> 00:17:02,829
Here you go. Come on Hank,
you help Jason with the puzzle.

372
00:17:02,831 --> 00:17:04,764
Oh sweetie! Oh honey.

373
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,500
Oh Sammie!
This place is so cute!

374
00:17:07,502 --> 00:17:09,370
I know it. Isn't it great?

375
00:17:09,372 --> 00:17:12,106
Sammie: Oh! I can't believe
we're neighbors.

376
00:17:14,578 --> 00:17:15,844
<i>-Hey! It's Miles.
 -I'm sorry about that.</i>

377
00:17:15,846 --> 00:17:17,780
Oh I love Miles.

378
00:17:17,782 --> 00:17:21,183
<i>Now we at the Miles Dougal show,
 appreciate your honesty...</i>

379
00:17:21,185 --> 00:17:22,485
Okay, okay, this woman
has just confessed

380
00:17:22,688 --> 00:17:26,523
that she's faked every orgasm
for the last twenty three years.

381
00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,259
<i> -Miles: Ernie, do you have...
-And this is a revelation?</i>

382
00:17:28,261 --> 00:17:31,596
<i> ...anything, what so ever,
 to confess to Pearl?</i>

383
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,401
<i> No.</i>

384
00:17:36,404 --> 00:17:40,172
<i> -Ernie never lies.
-Ernie: That's right.</i>

385
00:17:40,174 --> 00:17:41,440
Chicken.

386
00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:43,109
<i> Well, we have
a little surprise for you.</i>

387
00:17:44,179 --> 00:17:45,880
<i> It's Doogy Cam time.</i>

388
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,718
<i> Roll it!</i>

389
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,923
<i>Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.</i>

390
00:17:54,925 --> 00:17:58,126
<i> Hold on gang.
 I... I believe</i>

391
00:17:58,128 --> 00:18:01,230
<i> that this is the church picnic</i>

392
00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:05,335
<i> that Ernie told you he
 was going on last Wednesday.</i>

393
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,073
Oh.

394
00:18:08,075 --> 00:18:10,508
<i> That isn't me.</i>

395
00:18:10,944 --> 00:18:12,645
Sammie, don't get married.

396
00:18:12,647 --> 00:18:15,314
-Ugh! Please!
-I'm serious.

397
00:18:15,316 --> 00:18:17,183
Call it off before
it's too late.

398
00:18:17,185 --> 00:18:19,051
Oh! Come on.
The people on those shows

399
00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:20,554
aren't for real.
I mean it's like

400
00:18:20,556 --> 00:18:22,022
pro-wrestling, it's fixed.

401
00:18:22,024 --> 00:18:25,059
I'm just trying to save you from
a really big heartache later on.

402
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:27,161
I mean, I'm a prime
example Sammie. Look at me.

403
00:18:27,163 --> 00:18:28,529
I'm a single mother.

404
00:18:28,531 --> 00:18:30,866
I have to go to work.
I have to get a job.

405
00:18:30,868 --> 00:18:32,501
I'm telling you. Men!
They're all the same.

406
00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:34,136
Even the best of them.
They suck.

407
00:18:34,138 --> 00:18:35,538
Don't be naive Sammie.

408
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:38,074
Oh... you shouldn't
sound so bitter.

409
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,376
You're the one
kicked Stanley out.

410
00:18:40,378 --> 00:18:43,080
Yes! Because he cheated on me.

411
00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:47,519
Bitch!
You know what he had to do?

412
00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:49,287
He was so riddled with
guilt he had to drive

413
00:18:49,289 --> 00:18:51,257
right home and confess
everything to me.

414
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:52,357
-It was awful.
-Okay, well,

415
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:53,493
at least he was honest.

416
00:18:53,495 --> 00:18:54,927
Oh, honest, schmonest.
If he'd just

417
00:18:54,929 --> 00:18:57,431
kept his big fat mouth shut
I'd still be married today.

418
00:18:57,433 --> 00:18:58,699
And I want you to
think about it, Sammie.

419
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:00,033
Think about if you
were in my shoes.

420
00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:01,335
What if you found out that
Sam was cheating on you?

421
00:19:01,337 --> 00:19:02,704
What would you do?

422
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,639
Uh, well, to be honest

423
00:19:05,374 --> 00:19:07,175
Sam doesn't have it in him.

424
00:19:07,177 --> 00:19:08,777
Does he have a penis?

425
00:19:08,779 --> 00:19:11,013
Hmmm, uh, yes he does.

426
00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:12,248
-Then he has it in him.
-Mommy.

427
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:15,184
Oh. Well... what honey,
what's the matter?

428
00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:17,087
-Jason.
-What.

429
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,357
-Oh my God. Oh, oh baby.
-Oh, no, no, no.

430
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,459
-Oh, honey.
-He's sitting on paint.

431
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,593
I know.

432
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,930
Oh, he thinks it's his potty.

433
00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:26,665
Okay, I'm gonna go get a towel.

434
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,868
Man: ...and she had
hair below her ass.

435
00:19:28,870 --> 00:19:32,504
Long black shiny hair.

436
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,742
It smelled like
apricots or something.

437
00:19:34,744 --> 00:19:36,644
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

438
00:19:36,646 --> 00:19:39,713
She smelled good
everywhere, man.

439
00:19:39,715 --> 00:19:42,150
If you know what I mean.

440
00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:44,286
And, and...
she was shaved, Sam.

441
00:19:44,288 --> 00:19:46,422
Oh please! I'm cooking here.

442
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:48,658
Too bad you're
getting married, man.

443
00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:50,226
She's got this roommate.

444
00:19:50,228 --> 00:19:53,095
Some kind of model or something.

445
00:19:53,097 --> 00:19:54,998
Sweet, I think you'd like her.
Want to meet her?

446
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,535
No.
Thank you.

447
00:19:57,537 --> 00:20:00,238
Suit yourself. More for me.

448
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,073
What do you mean, more for you?

449
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:03,274
I thought you were
dating her roommate?

450
00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:05,678
Yay. That's exactly
why I'm a shoe in.

451
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,179
You see, unlike guys,
chicks have

452
00:20:07,181 --> 00:20:08,715
no loyalty to one another.

453
00:20:08,717 --> 00:20:12,118
They'll fuck each other over,
any chance they get.

454
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,055
It's this catty competitive
thing they're born with.

455
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:16,457
There's no easier way

456
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:19,494
to get laid than to fuck a
chick's best friend first.

457
00:20:19,496 --> 00:20:20,996
Who put these ideas
in your head?

458
00:20:22,433 --> 00:20:24,400
You guys are disgusting.

459
00:20:24,402 --> 00:20:25,534
What do you mean guys?

460
00:20:25,536 --> 00:20:27,670
Guys plural? What did I say?

461
00:20:27,672 --> 00:20:30,340
I heard what you two guys were
talking about and it's sick.

462
00:20:31,643 --> 00:20:33,811
I'm about to get married.
I'm madly in love.

463
00:20:33,813 --> 00:20:36,847
So don't lump me in
with Carl the conqueror.

464
00:20:37,216 --> 00:20:38,383
Creeps.

465
00:20:43,925 --> 00:20:45,224
She's a bitch.

466
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,828
But she's got a nice ass.

467
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,865
Oh, Carl, Carl, man.
Get a hold of yourself.

468
00:20:55,705 --> 00:20:57,072
Here we go.

469
00:20:57,074 --> 00:20:58,439
Thank you.

470
00:21:00,544 --> 00:21:02,544
Can I get you
gentlemen anything else?

471
00:21:02,546 --> 00:21:04,346
Ah... No. Thank you very much.

472
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,548
-Thanks.
-Okay.

473
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,087
Whoa! Would you
look at the tush on her.

474
00:21:10,089 --> 00:21:12,790
-Joel: Very nice.
-Rueben: No, no, not hers. Hers.

475
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,194
Oh Jesus!

476
00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:18,397
Would you just...
don't do that to me.

477
00:21:18,399 --> 00:21:20,600
-Yummy.
-Ha, ha, ha, ha.

478
00:21:21,602 --> 00:21:22,835
I can't believe
I'm going to do this,

479
00:21:22,837 --> 00:21:25,371
-but can I ask you a question?
-Yes, what?

480
00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:27,574
Do you think it's possible
to remain faithful

481
00:21:27,576 --> 00:21:29,843
to one woman for the rest
of your life?

482
00:21:29,845 --> 00:21:31,946
I-- I mean, do you
believe in monogamy

483
00:21:31,948 --> 00:21:35,116
or it just something that we
do because women expect it?

484
00:21:35,118 --> 00:21:36,718
Oh my God, you're
having an affair.

485
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,554
Would you shut up.
I am not having an affair.

486
00:21:38,556 --> 00:21:40,156
The last time you
asked me that question

487
00:21:40,158 --> 00:21:41,425
you were cheating on Harriet
with Sophie.

488
00:21:41,427 --> 00:21:43,660
-You're having an affair!
-Shhh.

489
00:21:43,662 --> 00:21:45,395
I am not cheating, okay.

490
00:21:45,397 --> 00:21:48,299
I am thinking about things.

491
00:21:48,301 --> 00:21:50,134
We were discussing
this issue at a dinner party.

492
00:21:50,136 --> 00:21:51,369
What country?

493
00:21:53,174 --> 00:21:54,605
Our country. What do
you mean what country?

494
00:21:54,607 --> 00:21:56,275
What-- What does it
matter what country?

495
00:21:56,277 --> 00:21:58,778
Views on monogamy, they
differ from country to country.

496
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:00,280
Take Utah for example.

497
00:22:00,282 --> 00:22:02,649
Those Mormons have seven,
eight, ten wives at a time.

498
00:22:02,651 --> 00:22:06,086
Reuben, Utah is not a country.

499
00:22:06,088 --> 00:22:08,389
Utah is a state.

500
00:22:08,391 --> 00:22:09,825
All right fine. Japan.

501
00:22:09,827 --> 00:22:13,095
Okay? A good traditional
Japanese wife

502
00:22:13,097 --> 00:22:15,465
encourages her husband
to have an affair.

503
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:17,834
They live for their husbands'
happiness. Okay.

504
00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:20,304
It's uh, it's good for their
society.

505
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:21,804
That is the stupidest fucking
thing I have ever heard.

506
00:22:21,806 --> 00:22:23,307
-What?
-You're saying that--

507
00:22:23,309 --> 00:22:25,610
that all Japanese wives act
as pimps for their husbands?

508
00:22:25,612 --> 00:22:28,079
I mean come on.
Don't be a schmuck, I'm serious.

509
00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:30,281
Alright. Yes.

510
00:22:30,283 --> 00:22:32,618
I believe monogamy is
an essential component

511
00:22:32,620 --> 00:22:35,187
to a successful marriage
in our culture.

512
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:36,822
-Okay?
-Thank you.

513
00:22:36,824 --> 00:22:39,058
Which if precisely why
I will never get married.

514
00:22:39,060 --> 00:22:41,328
Because no, I do not
believe it is natural.

515
00:22:41,330 --> 00:22:42,797
See that's where
I'm having a problem.

516
00:22:42,799 --> 00:22:44,699
If men love sex,
and men love their wives,

517
00:22:44,701 --> 00:22:46,267
and men love having
sex with their wives,

518
00:22:46,269 --> 00:22:47,969
well, why are
we so drawn to other women?

519
00:22:49,205 --> 00:22:50,839
-I'll tell you why.
-Uh, oh.

520
00:22:50,841 --> 00:22:53,276
I love eating.
Alright?

521
00:22:54,646 --> 00:22:56,646
I love lamb chops.

522
00:22:56,648 --> 00:22:59,183
I love eating lamp chops.

523
00:22:59,185 --> 00:23:00,985
But if I had to eat lamb chops,

524
00:23:00,987 --> 00:23:04,823
and only lamb chops
for the rest of my life,

525
00:23:04,825 --> 00:23:06,625
who's to say what
might happen if

526
00:23:06,627 --> 00:23:09,861
a cute taco or
a sultry meatball sub

527
00:23:09,863 --> 00:23:11,430
were to saunter by.
You know what I'm sayin'?

528
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,065
How did I get a
retarded brother?

529
00:23:13,067 --> 00:23:14,333
Listen Joel.

530
00:23:14,335 --> 00:23:16,068
What we say, I hope you realize,

531
00:23:16,070 --> 00:23:18,572
remains between you and me only.

532
00:23:18,574 --> 00:23:19,706
Yes.

533
00:23:19,708 --> 00:23:21,075
I know you love Sophie.

534
00:23:21,077 --> 00:23:23,044
But if you're really
thinking you need a little...

535
00:23:23,447 --> 00:23:27,216
...variety, Puddles has
a twin sister to die for.

536
00:23:29,387 --> 00:23:31,954
-Is that a no?
-That would be no.

537
00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:53,980
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,

538
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:55,349
-I didn't mean to startle you.
-Thank God.

539
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:58,786
That's ok.
Can I help you with something?

540
00:23:58,788 --> 00:24:00,956
Yes. I have my
sixth anniversary coming up

541
00:24:00,958 --> 00:24:03,024
and I want to get my wife
something really cool.

542
00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,260
She's a photographer,

543
00:24:04,262 --> 00:24:06,062
so I was wondering
if you had any antique

544
00:24:06,064 --> 00:24:07,930
photographic equipment or

545
00:24:07,932 --> 00:24:09,599
something
a photographer might like?

546
00:24:09,601 --> 00:24:10,833
Yeah. As a matter of fact

547
00:24:10,835 --> 00:24:12,336
we do have some
pretty neat old cameras.

548
00:24:12,338 --> 00:24:14,739
-Something like that?
-Sure. Yeah.

549
00:24:14,741 --> 00:24:16,374
-That'll be good.
-In another room. Follow me.

550
00:24:24,719 --> 00:24:26,385
Man. This one's fantastic.

551
00:24:26,387 --> 00:24:28,755
-Oh yeah.
-This is cool.

552
00:24:28,757 --> 00:24:30,524
Dates back to around
the turn of the century.

553
00:24:30,526 --> 00:24:32,894
-Wow.
-It's pretty expensive.

554
00:24:32,896 --> 00:24:36,130
-For my wife, anything.
-She's a lucky girl.

555
00:24:37,868 --> 00:24:40,802
-So, you married?
-Ha! No.

556
00:24:41,705 --> 00:24:42,971
Serious boyfriend?

557
00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:44,974
I wish.

558
00:24:46,143 --> 00:24:47,844
A pretty girl like you alone?

559
00:24:47,846 --> 00:24:51,081
Not for long. I wonder
if this thing still works?

560
00:24:52,151 --> 00:24:54,586
Oh. I don't know actually.

561
00:24:54,588 --> 00:24:56,555
I'm sure if it does my
wife will figure it out.

562
00:24:58,493 --> 00:24:59,825
You know,
I'm a happily married man.

563
00:24:59,827 --> 00:25:01,727
But if I wasn't,
I'd take you out in a second.

564
00:25:01,729 --> 00:25:04,330
-Really?
-If, if you wanted to.

565
00:25:04,332 --> 00:25:06,365
-Then I would take you out.
-Really?

566
00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:07,601
Thanks.

567
00:25:08,904 --> 00:25:11,873
If I wasn't married,
I'm speaking

568
00:25:11,875 --> 00:25:13,775
totally hypothetically,
and I asked you out.

569
00:25:13,777 --> 00:25:15,209
Would you go?

570
00:25:15,211 --> 00:25:19,081
Yeah, sure. If you
weren't married.

571
00:25:19,083 --> 00:25:21,083
Ah yes. That's right.
Of course, of course.

572
00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:26,857
So, you work here
full time, or...

573
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:30,995
No. Part time.
I go to UCLA. (laughs)

574
00:25:33,633 --> 00:25:34,865
Drama student.

575
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,036
Ah, so you want to
be an actress, huh?

576
00:25:38,238 --> 00:25:41,641
-I know. It sounds pathetic.
-No it doesn't.

577
00:25:41,643 --> 00:25:43,810
All my favorite movies
are filled with actresses.

578
00:25:43,979 --> 00:25:46,480
(laughs)

579
00:25:50,087 --> 00:25:51,252
I...

580
00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:56,725
I, uh... I gotta go.

581
00:25:56,727 --> 00:25:59,962
Um... forget about
the camera. Thanks.

582
00:26:05,971 --> 00:26:08,940
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
What happened?

583
00:26:11,077 --> 00:26:14,546
I'm-- I'm sorry. This is
gonna sound terrible. Um...

584
00:26:14,548 --> 00:26:15,981
If-- if I tell you something,
you promise

585
00:26:15,983 --> 00:26:17,916
not to think I'm
a complete neanderthal?

586
00:26:19,388 --> 00:26:20,821
Tell me what?

587
00:26:21,890 --> 00:26:24,190
I've been happily
married for six years.

588
00:26:24,192 --> 00:26:25,960
Blissfully so.

589
00:26:25,962 --> 00:26:27,194
And in all that time I've never

590
00:26:27,196 --> 00:26:28,796
so much as even looked
at another woman.

591
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,833
Why, I think that's beautiful.

592
00:26:33,238 --> 00:26:34,404
Yeah.

593
00:26:36,675 --> 00:26:38,541
Until I just saw you laugh.

594
00:26:49,022 --> 00:26:50,556
Mr. Gold, did you
want to dictate

595
00:26:50,558 --> 00:26:52,124
the changes to the
Fogelman brief now?

596
00:26:52,126 --> 00:26:54,226
You know, Dawn, I'm,
I'm feeling a little nauseous.

597
00:26:54,228 --> 00:26:56,862
I-- I know I shouldn't
have eaten that dessert.

598
00:26:56,864 --> 00:26:58,865
Aw. You want some Pepto Bismol?

599
00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:00,702
-No.
-Tums?

600
00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:02,637
No. No. Thanks. I...

601
00:27:02,639 --> 00:27:04,205
I think I'll just go home
a little early today. I'll...

602
00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:05,973
I'll take care of that
brief in the morning.

603
00:27:13,285 --> 00:27:16,353
(heavy breathing)

604
00:28:14,724 --> 00:28:17,158
-Feel good?
-Mm-hm.

605
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,193
Haven't seen you in long time.

606
00:28:19,195 --> 00:28:21,730
Mmm... yeah, you know how it is.

607
00:28:21,732 --> 00:28:24,399
Tough day?
I feel much tension.

608
00:28:26,738 --> 00:28:29,173
You want special
massage again today?

609
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,409
Yes, please.

610
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,846
What kind of special massage?

611
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:39,018
Well, you know...

612
00:28:40,187 --> 00:28:43,355
like the kind... last time.

613
00:28:43,357 --> 00:28:45,492
You know, with... with the oil.

614
00:28:45,494 --> 00:28:48,161
-Hand job?
-Yeah, that's the one.

615
00:29:00,811 --> 00:29:02,779
Well, I guess I won't be
needing that any more.

616
00:29:08,921 --> 00:29:10,254
Okay.

617
00:29:14,561 --> 00:29:16,161
Oh...

618
00:29:16,163 --> 00:29:19,131
Feel good. Yes?

619
00:29:19,133 --> 00:29:20,766
Yes, very good.

620
00:29:22,403 --> 00:29:24,303
<i>Joel: (thinking)
 This isn't cheating.</i>

621
00:29:24,940 --> 00:29:27,241
<i> This isn't cheating.</i>

622
00:29:28,110 --> 00:29:29,776
<i> What am I doing here?</i>

623
00:29:29,778 --> 00:29:32,447
<i> I'm cheating on my wife.</i>

624
00:29:32,449 --> 00:29:34,015
<i> No, no, this can't be
 cheating.</i>

625
00:29:34,017 --> 00:29:36,885
<i> Cheating is sleeping
 with another woman.</i>

626
00:29:36,887 --> 00:29:38,153
<i> I'm getting a massage.</i>

627
00:29:38,155 --> 00:29:39,789
<i> Nothing wrong with
 getting a massage.</i>

628
00:29:39,791 --> 00:29:40,991
<i> Men have urges.</i>

629
00:29:41,158 --> 00:29:43,693
<i> God, give women
 a penis for 24 hours and--</i>

630
00:29:43,695 --> 00:29:45,562
<i> and then they'll know.</i>

631
00:29:45,564 --> 00:29:48,199
<i> Christ! What am I saying?</i>

632
00:29:48,201 --> 00:29:52,204
<i> I'm rationalizing the
 solicitation of prostitution.</i>

633
00:29:52,206 --> 00:29:54,373
<i> This is illegal.
They raid places like this.</i>

634
00:29:54,375 --> 00:29:56,675
<i> Oh, that would be just great.</i>

635
00:29:56,677 --> 00:29:59,579
<i> Hi honey, this is Joel,
 I'm calling from jail.</i>

636
00:29:59,581 --> 00:30:01,080
<i> Could you please pick me up?</i>

637
00:30:01,082 --> 00:30:04,518
<i> Yeah, a little Korean lady
was jerking me off, that's all.</i>

638
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,921
<i> That's it. I'm never
 coming in here again.</i>

639
00:30:06,923 --> 00:30:09,424
(moaning)

640
00:30:16,099 --> 00:30:18,267
(screaming)

641
00:30:18,269 --> 00:30:22,639
I did not have sexual
relations with that woman.

642
00:30:23,243 --> 00:30:25,209
How did your day go?
Anything exciting?

643
00:30:27,013 --> 00:30:30,015
No. Nah, I just-- I just worked.

644
00:30:30,017 --> 00:30:31,951
<i> These allegations are false.</i>

645
00:30:33,621 --> 00:30:35,956
<i> Well, you heard it here first.</i>

646
00:30:35,958 --> 00:30:38,158
<i> Supermodel Barcelona
 and her boyfriend</i>

647
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:39,793
<i> of only three months,</i>

648
00:30:39,795 --> 00:30:42,562
<i> furrier tycoon,
 Shlomo Ginklestein,</i>

649
00:30:42,564 --> 00:30:45,266
<i> tied the knot yesterday
 at a private ceremony</i>

650
00:30:45,268 --> 00:30:47,336
<i> in his chalet in the Alps.</i>

651
00:30:47,338 --> 00:30:49,905
<i> Here's the happy couple
 feasting on wedding cake.</i>

652
00:30:49,907 --> 00:30:52,140
<i> Immediately after the
 ceremony they hopped in</i>

653
00:30:52,142 --> 00:30:56,012
<i> Shlomo's private SST to
 an undisclosed location</i>

654
00:30:56,014 --> 00:30:59,750
<i> for a romantic honeymoon.
Congratulations you two.</i>

655
00:30:59,752 --> 00:31:02,186
Men fuck looks.
Women fuck power.

656
00:31:02,188 --> 00:31:03,755
Now, if that were reversed,

657
00:31:03,757 --> 00:31:06,124
and it was a
19 year old cute guy

658
00:31:06,126 --> 00:31:07,392
marring an 80
year old grandmother,

659
00:31:07,394 --> 00:31:09,295
people would just
be throwing up.

660
00:31:09,864 --> 00:31:11,097
Why?

661
00:31:11,099 --> 00:31:13,766
Because that would
be disgusting?

662
00:31:13,768 --> 00:31:15,736
Well, what's the difference?

663
00:31:15,738 --> 00:31:17,037
Honey, a young
woman doesn't care

664
00:31:17,039 --> 00:31:18,740
what a guy looks like
if he's rich.

665
00:31:18,742 --> 00:31:20,375
However, you take a young guy...

666
00:31:20,377 --> 00:31:21,976
all right, I don't care if
she's a billionaire.

667
00:31:21,978 --> 00:31:23,345
How's he gonna get it up
if the woman

668
00:31:23,347 --> 00:31:25,380
he's with looks like a
shrunken apple head doll?

669
00:31:25,382 --> 00:31:27,348
Well that doesn't seem fair.

670
00:31:27,350 --> 00:31:29,718
Fair has nothing to do with it.
It's nature.

671
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,587
Men are just genetically
able to look better longer.

672
00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:33,822
Wait a minute.

673
00:31:33,824 --> 00:31:35,458
Wait a minute. Are you saying

674
00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:37,728
that men age better than women?

675
00:31:37,730 --> 00:31:39,196
It's a fact.

676
00:31:39,198 --> 00:31:41,532
Well it certainly is not a fact.

677
00:31:41,534 --> 00:31:43,402
It's just that in
our male dominated,

678
00:31:43,404 --> 00:31:45,872
chauvinistic culture,
when a woman hits forty

679
00:31:45,874 --> 00:31:47,906
she's thrown out to pasture,
by the men.

680
00:31:47,908 --> 00:31:50,476
Look, honey, you're making
way too much out of this. Okay?

681
00:31:50,478 --> 00:31:52,346
Men just have
thicker skin layers.

682
00:31:52,348 --> 00:31:54,014
Less wrinkles with age.

683
00:31:54,016 --> 00:31:56,383
Oh! Women have more wrinkles

684
00:31:56,385 --> 00:31:58,419
because they carry
the weight of a lifetime

685
00:31:58,421 --> 00:32:00,055
of oppression on
their shoulders.

686
00:32:00,057 --> 00:32:01,623
I can't believe
what I'm hearing!

687
00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:04,093
I cannot believe what
I'm hearing from you...

688
00:32:04,095 --> 00:32:06,194
-...Joel!
-How big is it!

689
00:32:06,196 --> 00:32:08,497
I can't believe you're
jealous of a dead... bum!

690
00:32:08,499 --> 00:32:11,601
Oh, I'm not jealous!
I'm just curious. That's all!

691
00:32:11,603 --> 00:32:14,639
All I said was that
my cadaver has a big penis.

692
00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:16,006
No, no, no, no!

693
00:32:16,008 --> 00:32:18,009
You said "My cadaver has

694
00:32:18,011 --> 00:32:20,378
the biggest penis
I've ever seen".

695
00:32:20,380 --> 00:32:23,649
-So?
-So... you admit it.

696
00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:26,352
It is the biggest penis
you've ever seen.

697
00:32:26,354 --> 00:32:30,056
God! You never tell me
I have a big penis.

698
00:32:30,058 --> 00:32:32,692
Oh come on Joel!

699
00:32:32,694 --> 00:32:35,564
Your penis is fine
and you know it!

700
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:37,732
Fine?

701
00:32:38,502 --> 00:32:40,702
Fine is a far cry from

702
00:32:40,704 --> 00:32:43,472
"The biggest penis
I've ever seen."

703
00:32:43,474 --> 00:32:45,174
And you know what,
you said it with such a...

704
00:32:45,176 --> 00:32:48,711
a look... in your eyes.
Such, such awe.

705
00:32:48,713 --> 00:32:50,647
Such hunger. (stuttering)
I mean, no wonder you

706
00:32:50,649 --> 00:32:52,583
forgot lunch.
You were delirious.

707
00:32:52,585 --> 00:32:56,187
This complex of yours,
it has to stop, Joel.

708
00:32:56,189 --> 00:32:57,723
Now I have never,

709
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:02,561
ever said anything derogatory
about your penis.

710
00:33:03,164 --> 00:33:04,430
That's right.

711
00:33:04,432 --> 00:33:06,600
It's not what you have said.

712
00:33:06,601 --> 00:33:09,504
It's what you have not said.

713
00:33:09,506 --> 00:33:12,306
I mean, don't you
think just once...

714
00:33:12,308 --> 00:33:14,976
I might like to hear,
"Hey, Joel,

715
00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:17,745
you have a big penis."

716
00:33:20,852 --> 00:33:23,186
Hey, Joel.

717
00:33:24,723 --> 00:33:30,528
You have a really big penis.

718
00:33:45,948 --> 00:33:46,980
You didn't mean that.

719
00:33:50,187 --> 00:33:51,319
Sweetie.

720
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:56,859
Joel.

721
00:33:57,929 --> 00:34:01,898
I... love... your... penis.

722
00:34:03,969 --> 00:34:08,974
It is the...perfect size for me.
You know it is.

723
00:34:11,077 --> 00:34:15,380
I wouldn't want it to
be one hair bigger.

724
00:34:18,086 --> 00:34:19,552
-Really?
-Really.

725
00:34:20,990 --> 00:34:22,990
You know, I--
I get insecure sometimes.

726
00:34:23,759 --> 00:34:26,093
You don't have to. Not with me.

727
00:34:28,631 --> 00:34:30,265
Can I ask you one question?

728
00:34:30,601 --> 00:34:31,766
What?

729
00:34:33,203 --> 00:34:34,536
How big is it?

730
00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:40,811
-Thirteen inches.
-Oh, fuck!

731
00:34:56,097 --> 00:34:57,464
-Hi.
-Hello.

732
00:35:01,670 --> 00:35:03,104
-Sammie: Oh my God!
-Oh my! What's the matter?

733
00:35:03,106 --> 00:35:04,305
What is it?

734
00:35:04,307 --> 00:35:05,539
Oh God, that was
the biggest kick yet.

735
00:35:05,541 --> 00:35:06,874
-Did you feel it?
-No.

736
00:35:06,876 --> 00:35:09,578
Oh God. Honey,
honey, feel it, feel it.

737
00:35:09,580 --> 00:35:10,879
-Where is it?
-Oh. Right here.

738
00:35:11,548 --> 00:35:13,116
Oh! There he goes.

739
00:35:13,118 --> 00:35:14,884
Oh look. He's just kicking away.

740
00:35:27,801 --> 00:35:29,335
What about me?

741
00:35:30,638 --> 00:35:33,939
I'm sorry, I just don't think
it's a good idea right now.

742
00:35:36,145 --> 00:35:37,711
(mouths)
In front of the baby.

743
00:35:37,713 --> 00:35:40,648
(laughs)
He's not even born yet.

744
00:35:40,650 --> 00:35:42,550
Okay. The doctor told us
that we could have sex

745
00:35:42,552 --> 00:35:44,019
right up until delivery.

746
00:35:44,021 --> 00:35:45,688
You're not going anywhere
near the baby.

747
00:35:45,690 --> 00:35:46,922
Now come on...

748
00:35:47,925 --> 00:35:50,560
Not now. When he's asleep.

749
00:35:53,265 --> 00:35:54,898
I love you though.

750
00:35:59,673 --> 00:36:01,306
I love you too.

751
00:36:01,308 --> 00:36:03,642
-You okay?
-Mm-hm.

752
00:36:27,638 --> 00:36:28,838
Sophie?

753
00:36:35,114 --> 00:36:36,514
Sophie, you hear something?

754
00:36:38,051 --> 00:36:41,019
Sophie, Sophie,
wake up! Wake up!

755
00:36:41,021 --> 00:36:45,524
Joel. Joel.

756
00:36:45,526 --> 00:36:48,228
Who... who are you?

757
00:36:48,230 --> 00:36:54,168
I am the ghost of
Christmas past.

758
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:56,303
The ghost...

759
00:36:56,305 --> 00:36:59,608
the ghost of Christmas past?
But I'm Jewish.

760
00:37:00,944 --> 00:37:04,180
Sorry. Wrong house.

761
00:37:04,516 --> 00:37:06,683
(evil laughter)

762
00:37:09,522 --> 00:37:11,589
Sophie. Sophie.

763
00:37:11,591 --> 00:37:13,858
Sophie, you just missed a ghost.

764
00:37:14,694 --> 00:37:16,060
Hand job?

765
00:37:16,363 --> 00:37:18,196
-(screaming)
-No!

766
00:37:18,198 --> 00:37:19,965
(gasps)

767
00:37:23,038 --> 00:37:25,338
-You okay?
-Yeah.

768
00:37:25,340 --> 00:37:29,009
Yeah. I just had a nightmare.
That's all.

769
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:43,259
Sammie?

770
00:37:46,566 --> 00:37:49,133
Sammie, are you asleep?

771
00:38:43,633 --> 00:38:45,833
(both grunting)

772
00:38:45,835 --> 00:38:48,637
(crowd cheering)

773
00:38:50,307 --> 00:38:52,307
(buzzer)

774
00:39:03,557 --> 00:39:05,723
Man: Popcorn! Popcorn!

775
00:39:05,725 --> 00:39:06,892
Man 2: Popcorn.

776
00:39:11,866 --> 00:39:13,265
Thanks.

777
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:16,503
Popcorn! Popcorn!

778
00:39:18,740 --> 00:39:20,207
These are the worst seats
I've ever had, Joel.

779
00:39:20,209 --> 00:39:23,177
So sorry. My brother swore to me
that these were great seats.

780
00:39:23,179 --> 00:39:25,547
-He specifically said "great".
-It's alright.

781
00:39:32,557 --> 00:39:33,823
That's Art.

782
00:39:33,825 --> 00:39:34,891
-Where?
-Right there, that's Art.

783
00:39:34,893 --> 00:39:36,193
-Where?
-Art!

784
00:39:37,129 --> 00:39:38,529
Joel: Hey! Art!

785
00:39:39,065 --> 00:39:40,231
Art!

786
00:39:41,067 --> 00:39:42,266
-Art!
-Art!

787
00:39:43,070 --> 00:39:44,336
Both: Art!

788
00:39:46,941 --> 00:39:48,440
Art!

789
00:39:48,810 --> 00:39:51,744
-(whooping)
-Art!

790
00:39:51,746 --> 00:39:53,847
-Yo!
-(whooping)

791
00:39:55,818 --> 00:39:57,819
Can you believe that
woman he's with?

792
00:39:57,821 --> 00:40:01,089
-Sexy.
-Man! He uh,

793
00:40:01,091 --> 00:40:04,158
he sure stirred things up at the
dinner party the other night.

794
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,628
Isaac: Yeah I kinda agreed with
a lot of what he was saying.

795
00:40:05,630 --> 00:40:07,196
-Yeah me too.
-But, with Claudia there.

796
00:40:07,198 --> 00:40:08,397
-Hey! And Sophie.
-I couldn't.

797
00:40:08,399 --> 00:40:10,867
-No.
-Yeah.

798
00:40:10,869 --> 00:40:12,669
I mean. It's true,
I think men have the ability

799
00:40:12,671 --> 00:40:14,638
to separate sex and love
a lot more easily than women do.

800
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:15,840
-I agree with you.
-You know,

801
00:40:16,009 --> 00:40:18,542
because of that I think
we're more apt to maybe stray.

802
00:40:18,544 --> 00:40:20,379
-I agree with you again.
-Yeah. You know, Joel,

803
00:40:20,381 --> 00:40:21,445
I'll tell you what it
comes down to.

804
00:40:21,447 --> 00:40:23,615
It comes down
to the genitals.

805
00:40:23,617 --> 00:40:25,784
-It does?
-A penis is an external thing.

806
00:40:25,786 --> 00:40:27,720
-Yes.
-Right? Like an arm or a nose.

807
00:40:27,722 --> 00:40:29,189
Yeah, it's just
sticking out there.

808
00:40:29,191 --> 00:40:30,457
Right. You can stick it
in a woman.

809
00:40:30,459 --> 00:40:31,557
You can stick it in a donut.

810
00:40:31,559 --> 00:40:33,394
You can stick it in a--
a pumpkin.

811
00:40:33,396 --> 00:40:34,796
Whatever, it doesn't matter.

812
00:40:34,798 --> 00:40:38,533
It is not an emotional
experience. It's physical.

813
00:40:38,535 --> 00:40:40,336
The vagina... forget about it.

814
00:40:40,338 --> 00:40:41,703
It's a completely
different thing.

815
00:40:41,705 --> 00:40:44,774
You know. It's... it's internal.
It's a negative space.

816
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:47,276
It's an opening into
the body. It's very sacred.

817
00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:48,779
So, obviously it's going to be

818
00:40:48,781 --> 00:40:50,113
a much more emotional
experience for a woman,

819
00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:51,982
you know,
she's being invaded.

820
00:40:51,984 --> 00:40:53,284
Like Poland.

821
00:40:53,286 --> 00:40:54,719
She's obviously
going to want it to be

822
00:40:54,721 --> 00:40:56,187
with somebody
she feels closer to.

823
00:40:56,189 --> 00:40:58,156
You know. Somebody she trusts.

824
00:40:58,959 --> 00:41:02,094
What are you?
An expert on female anatomy?

825
00:41:02,096 --> 00:41:03,295
Excuse me?

826
00:41:03,297 --> 00:41:04,798
Oh, you're a gynecologist right?

827
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,566
I mean you know
so much about the vagina.

828
00:41:06,568 --> 00:41:08,168
You must be a... gynecologist.

829
00:41:08,170 --> 00:41:10,237
I think he was just
trying to make a point.

830
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,106
Well it's probably
one of the most ignorant,

831
00:41:12,108 --> 00:41:13,474
over generalized points
I've ever heard.

832
00:41:13,476 --> 00:41:14,676
Excuse me, you know what?

833
00:41:14,678 --> 00:41:16,311
Isaac: Actually I...
am a gynecologist. Okay?

834
00:41:16,313 --> 00:41:17,979
And as far as I can tell

835
00:41:17,981 --> 00:41:20,015
I wasn't actually
speaking to you.

836
00:41:20,017 --> 00:41:21,883
Well, Doctor.

837
00:41:21,885 --> 00:41:23,487
Just because
a women has a vagina

838
00:41:23,489 --> 00:41:24,854
doesn't mean that
she can't appreciate

839
00:41:24,856 --> 00:41:26,590
a mindless fuck
with some dumb stud.

840
00:41:26,592 --> 00:41:28,092
I mean, you men
think that you're

841
00:41:28,094 --> 00:41:30,028
the only ones that can fuck
and forget it?

842
00:41:30,030 --> 00:41:32,230
Jesus Christ,
this is fucking typical.

843
00:41:32,232 --> 00:41:33,598
Do you think you
could say the word

844
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,300
"fuck" just one more time?

845
00:41:35,302 --> 00:41:36,802
I don't think
that child over there

846
00:41:36,804 --> 00:41:37,902
heard you the last time.

847
00:41:37,904 --> 00:41:39,071
You know what, you know what?

848
00:41:39,073 --> 00:41:40,741
Enjoy yourself.
Have a good time, okay.

849
00:41:40,743 --> 00:41:41,874
Fuck your brains out.

850
00:41:41,876 --> 00:41:43,442
I'm sure
it'll suit you just fine.

851
00:41:43,444 --> 00:41:44,611
You hear that Vicki?

852
00:41:44,613 --> 00:41:46,813
It's a typical
threatened male response,

853
00:41:46,815 --> 00:41:48,182
when woman meets
man on his own turf.

854
00:41:48,184 --> 00:41:50,084
-Mm-hm.
-Excuse me.

855
00:41:50,086 --> 00:41:53,354
Typical male response?
I'm not threatened by you. Okay?

856
00:41:53,356 --> 00:41:56,925
All men are threatened by
a sexually independent woman.

857
00:41:56,927 --> 00:41:58,361
I hate to burst your bubble.

858
00:41:58,363 --> 00:41:59,963
But every woman
you've ever fucked

859
00:41:59,965 --> 00:42:02,132
isn't sitting at home,
staring at the phone,

860
00:42:02,134 --> 00:42:04,502
weeping
"Why isn't he calling me?

861
00:42:04,504 --> 00:42:05,870
Why?"

862
00:42:06,806 --> 00:42:09,474
(sobbing)
Why isn't he calling me?

863
00:42:10,811 --> 00:42:12,210
Why?

864
00:42:12,212 --> 00:42:14,747
Look, let's not get our
panties in a bunch here. Okay?

865
00:42:14,749 --> 00:42:16,215
Why don't we just
take a deep breath,

866
00:42:16,217 --> 00:42:18,451
and calm down.
We're at a hockey game.

867
00:42:18,453 --> 00:42:20,254
We're supposed to
have a good time.

868
00:42:20,256 --> 00:42:22,856
Let's not get carried away.
Don't you agree good doctor?

869
00:42:22,858 --> 00:42:24,191
I do, I agree.

870
00:42:24,193 --> 00:42:26,161
You know what? I...

871
00:42:26,163 --> 00:42:29,165
I'd like to apologize for
being so rude to you ladies.

872
00:42:29,166 --> 00:42:30,498
Really.

873
00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:32,601
And just to show
there's no hard feelings

874
00:42:32,603 --> 00:42:35,271
I'll give you both
a free pap smear. Okay?

875
00:42:35,273 --> 00:42:36,539
Pigs.

876
00:42:36,541 --> 00:42:38,508
(buzzer)

877
00:42:40,078 --> 00:42:41,912
There you go. Thank you.

878
00:42:45,351 --> 00:42:47,318
-Oh. Sorry.
-So, Sophie?

879
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,321
-Hi, Dr. Taft.
-Hello.

880
00:42:49,323 --> 00:42:51,623
-How are you?
-I'm fine. I'm good.

881
00:42:51,625 --> 00:42:53,091
What are you doing
around here?

882
00:42:53,093 --> 00:42:57,096
Oh, I'm just buying a couple
magazines on my way home.

883
00:42:57,098 --> 00:42:58,532
What are you doing here?

884
00:42:58,534 --> 00:43:00,835
Well I live just--
just around the corner.

885
00:43:00,837 --> 00:43:02,002
Really?

886
00:43:02,004 --> 00:43:04,271
As a matter of fact I was just
going to grab a cup of coffee.

887
00:43:05,441 --> 00:43:06,740
Would you care to join me?

888
00:43:07,778 --> 00:43:09,912
I would. Thank you.

889
00:43:09,914 --> 00:43:14,218
So, what made you decide
to become a doctor at 30?

890
00:43:14,220 --> 00:43:17,621
Oh, well, I always
wanted to be a doctor.

891
00:43:17,623 --> 00:43:20,358
But I just didn't think
I was smart enough.

892
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,327
Ohh... psss.

893
00:43:22,329 --> 00:43:25,363
It was my husband actually
who encouraged me.

894
00:43:25,365 --> 00:43:27,365
Sounds like a great guy.

895
00:43:27,367 --> 00:43:29,168
So tell me, are you married?

896
00:43:29,170 --> 00:43:30,669
Me? Oh, no.

897
00:43:30,671 --> 00:43:32,638
I've been living with someone
for the last seven years.

898
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,542
It's, uh, close enough
to being married.

899
00:43:35,544 --> 00:43:39,347
Yeah, but... you don't
get the tax breaks.

900
00:43:39,816 --> 00:43:41,182
Now that's true.

901
00:43:45,356 --> 00:43:46,655
Do you like art?

902
00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:49,058
You know Art?

903
00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:51,828
It's my other passion
besides medicine.

904
00:43:52,264 --> 00:43:53,329
Oh.

905
00:43:53,331 --> 00:43:55,566
You know, we should really go
to a museum together

906
00:43:55,568 --> 00:43:57,201
one of these days.

907
00:43:57,203 --> 00:43:59,237
Now there's plenty of
splendid museums

908
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,305
no one ever goes
to in this town.

909
00:44:01,307 --> 00:44:02,674
I think it would be fun.

910
00:44:03,544 --> 00:44:04,709
Yeah.

911
00:44:05,446 --> 00:44:06,612
Okay.

912
00:44:07,315 --> 00:44:08,848
Sounds great.

913
00:44:08,850 --> 00:44:10,050
Good.

914
00:44:10,619 --> 00:44:13,654
(heavy breathing)

915
00:44:18,328 --> 00:44:21,463
(moans)

916
00:44:28,206 --> 00:44:30,807
You know, I've been
married for six years.

917
00:44:31,710 --> 00:44:33,444
Blissfully so.

918
00:44:33,446 --> 00:44:36,380
And in all that time,

919
00:44:37,116 --> 00:44:42,388
I have never so much as
even looked at another woman,

920
00:44:42,390 --> 00:44:44,324
until I looked into your eyes.

921
00:44:46,995 --> 00:44:50,431
-(laughs)
-What?

922
00:44:50,433 --> 00:44:53,000
-What?
-Cut the shit, Romeo.

923
00:44:55,672 --> 00:44:58,741
(moaning)

924
00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:07,584
-(bed creaking)
-(heavy breathing)

925
00:45:12,726 --> 00:45:15,193
(breathing gets faster)

926
00:45:15,429 --> 00:45:16,729
More iced tea?

927
00:45:17,898 --> 00:45:19,431
No. Thank you.

928
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,737
(loud moaning)

929
00:45:27,110 --> 00:45:28,575
I'm sorry.

930
00:45:28,577 --> 00:45:30,878
You don't have to
keep apologizing.

931
00:45:32,082 --> 00:45:33,748
I think it's wonderful
that you don't want to

932
00:45:33,750 --> 00:45:35,217
cheat on your wife.

933
00:45:35,219 --> 00:45:37,052
Funny thing is I...

934
00:45:37,054 --> 00:45:41,791
I do want to, but I can't.

935
00:45:41,793 --> 00:45:43,193
I mean it's not you.

936
00:45:43,195 --> 00:45:45,162
I mean, I came here
with every intention of...

937
00:45:45,864 --> 00:45:46,997
you know.

938
00:45:47,366 --> 00:45:48,866
I know.

939
00:45:48,868 --> 00:45:51,735
-You're extremely sexy.
-Thank you.

940
00:45:51,737 --> 00:45:54,640
I would like nothing
more than to just...

941
00:45:55,810 --> 00:46:00,279
you know... have...
sex with you. But I can't.

942
00:46:00,281 --> 00:46:03,250
I just--
I would feel too guilty.

943
00:46:03,252 --> 00:46:05,686
I can't do that to my wife.

944
00:46:05,688 --> 00:46:08,823
I think that is so refreshing.
And rare.

945
00:46:08,958 --> 00:46:11,827
I hope she appreciates what
a wonderful husband she has.

946
00:46:13,998 --> 00:46:15,231
Thank you.

947
00:46:16,134 --> 00:46:19,269
(moaning gets louder)

948
00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:26,277
How about a hand job?

949
00:46:28,248 --> 00:46:30,649
And the two girls were
doing each other.

950
00:46:30,651 --> 00:46:33,018
It was incredible, Sam.

951
00:46:33,020 --> 00:46:35,321
Have you ever been with
two girls at the same time?

952
00:46:35,323 --> 00:46:38,558
-No.
-(laughs) You gotta do it man.

953
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,094
You gotta do it before you
get married.

954
00:46:41,096 --> 00:46:44,632
They're both on their
hands and knees. Right?

955
00:46:44,634 --> 00:46:47,302
And I'm-- I'm pumping
one from behind.

956
00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:48,670
And then I turn around

957
00:46:48,672 --> 00:46:50,139
I'm pumping
the other from behind.

958
00:46:50,141 --> 00:46:53,943
And then I'm back and forth
and back and forth...

959
00:46:53,945 --> 00:46:55,712
Alright! Alright!
I get the picture.

960
00:46:55,714 --> 00:46:57,746
It just doesn't
sound very sanitary.

961
00:46:57,748 --> 00:46:59,683
Ah, what are you, dead?

962
00:46:59,685 --> 00:47:01,886
No, I just happen to
be madly in love with Sammie

963
00:47:01,888 --> 00:47:03,588
and I don't need
group encounters

964
00:47:03,589 --> 00:47:04,689
with a bunch of bimbos.

965
00:47:04,691 --> 00:47:06,924
Hey, hey, hey! I love them.

966
00:47:08,028 --> 00:47:09,561
That's it. I'm taking my break.

967
00:47:09,563 --> 00:47:12,065
-Louey. Take over.
-Where you goin'?

968
00:47:30,087 --> 00:47:33,789
<i> -Oh yes.
 -Oh, oh yeah.</i>

969
00:47:33,791 --> 00:47:35,459
<i> Make the captain happy.</i>

970
00:47:35,461 --> 00:47:36,960
<i> The captain likes that.</i>

971
00:47:36,962 --> 00:47:39,697
<i> -Ooh yeah.
 -Woman: Ooh, Captain!</i>

972
00:47:39,699 --> 00:47:41,799
<i> You have such a big vessel.</i>

973
00:47:41,801 --> 00:47:44,135
<i> Up periscope.</i>

974
00:47:44,137 --> 00:47:47,673
-(giggling)
-(moaning)

975
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:53,513
<i> Sam?</i>

976
00:47:54,449 --> 00:47:55,982
<i> Sam. Is that you out there?</i>

977
00:47:59,222 --> 00:48:00,888
<i> Yeah, it is you.</i>

978
00:48:00,890 --> 00:48:03,992
<i> Girls, remember Sam?
 Sam's back.</i>

979
00:48:03,994 --> 00:48:05,494
<i>Women: Hi, Sam.</i>

980
00:48:06,997 --> 00:48:10,567
Hi.
Ah, how ya doin'?

981
00:48:10,569 --> 00:48:11,835
<i> You really have to ask?</i>

982
00:48:11,837 --> 00:48:14,204
<i> I thought you weren't going to
 come back in here any more.</i>

983
00:48:14,206 --> 00:48:16,207
I couldn't help it.

984
00:48:16,209 --> 00:48:17,409
You know I keep telling myself

985
00:48:17,411 --> 00:48:19,578
that I am never
coming in here again.

986
00:48:19,580 --> 00:48:21,479
That I'm going to throw
away all my magazines.

987
00:48:21,481 --> 00:48:23,481
But I... I can't stick to it.

988
00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:24,983
<i>Woman:
 Hey, don't worry about it.</i>

989
00:48:24,985 --> 00:48:28,789
<i> Watching blue movies is
the safest sex there is, right?</i>

990
00:48:28,791 --> 00:48:31,358
<i>I know what I wanted to ask you.
 Are you married yet?</i>

991
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:32,492
Next month.

992
00:48:32,494 --> 00:48:34,395
<i>Captain: Well, congratulations.</i>

993
00:48:34,397 --> 00:48:36,164
<i> Congratulations.</i>

994
00:48:36,166 --> 00:48:37,332
Thank you.

995
00:48:38,068 --> 00:48:41,136
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you very much.

996
00:48:41,138 --> 00:48:43,572
Yeah, I'm like the luckiest
guy in the whole wide world.

997
00:48:43,574 --> 00:48:45,108
I mean, I can't believe it.

998
00:48:45,110 --> 00:48:46,242
After all these years.

999
00:48:46,244 --> 00:48:49,179
I am just so... in love.

1000
00:48:49,181 --> 00:48:53,150
<i> Hey. wait a second.
If you're so in love</i>

1001
00:48:53,152 --> 00:48:55,086
<i> what the hell are you
 doing in here?</i>

1002
00:48:55,088 --> 00:48:56,622
Alright.

1003
00:48:56,624 --> 00:48:59,591
This is why I'm torn.
I know I'm not cheating.

1004
00:48:59,593 --> 00:49:01,026
But I still feel like
a degenerate

1005
00:49:01,028 --> 00:49:02,428
and a pervert when I'm in here.

1006
00:49:02,430 --> 00:49:03,930
-Hey.
-I'm sorry.

1007
00:49:03,932 --> 00:49:07,034
Therefore, I can't tell Sammie.
Because I'm embarrassed.

1008
00:49:07,036 --> 00:49:09,003
But then that makes me
a secret keeper.

1009
00:49:09,005 --> 00:49:10,904
And then
I feel guilty and then I...

1010
00:49:10,906 --> 00:49:12,806
You see where
I'm goin'... with this?

1011
00:49:12,808 --> 00:49:14,709
<i>-Captain: Sam.
-Yeah?</i>

1012
00:49:14,711 --> 00:49:16,311
<i> Take a tip from the captain.</i>

1013
00:49:16,313 --> 00:49:18,513
<i> You have nothing
to feel guilty about.</i>

1014
00:49:18,515 --> 00:49:19,715
<i> You love your wife.</i>

1015
00:49:19,717 --> 00:49:21,117
<i> -You remain faithful.
-Yeah.</i>

1016
00:49:21,119 --> 00:49:23,152
<i> That's all that matters.</i>

1017
00:49:23,154 --> 00:49:26,490
<i>Just think of us as... research.</i>

1018
00:49:26,492 --> 00:49:29,359
Hey, can we cut
the little morality play please?

1019
00:49:29,361 --> 00:49:31,396
Some of us
are trying to jerk off.

1020
00:49:31,398 --> 00:49:32,897
<i>Captain:
 Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.</i>

1021
00:49:32,899 --> 00:49:33,965
<i>-Woman: We're sorry.
 -Sorry.</i>

1022
00:49:33,967 --> 00:49:35,300
<i> Yeah, go ahead, continue.</i>

1023
00:49:35,469 --> 00:49:36,635
<i> -We're sorry, go ahead.
 -Bad Captain! Bad Captain!</i>

1024
00:49:36,637 --> 00:49:38,537
<i> -Bad.
 -Bad.</i>

1025
00:49:38,539 --> 00:49:39,872
<i> Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...</i>

1026
00:49:39,874 --> 00:49:41,941
<i>Woman: Bad. Bad. Bad.</i>

1027
00:49:41,943 --> 00:49:43,510
<i> -So bad!
-Captain: That's my derriere.</i>

1028
00:49:43,512 --> 00:49:44,945
<i> Easy. Easy, easy.</i>

1029
00:49:52,923 --> 00:49:54,623
Isaac.

1030
00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:56,158
I didn't have time to
go to the store.

1031
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,928
I guess we can just
order in Chinese.

1032
00:50:05,538 --> 00:50:06,805
Oh my...

1033
00:52:51,267 --> 00:52:53,233
Sophie:
That is the most romantic thing

1034
00:52:53,235 --> 00:52:54,969
-I have ever heard.
-Yeah.

1035
00:52:54,971 --> 00:52:57,205
And, to top it all off,
he bought me

1036
00:52:57,207 --> 00:52:58,806
this wonderful
antique camera from

1037
00:52:58,808 --> 00:53:00,809
like the turn of
the century, or something.

1038
00:53:00,811 --> 00:53:02,878
It must have cost him a fortune.

1039
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,049
What an anniversary.
So what did you get him?

1040
00:53:06,051 --> 00:53:07,317
Oh, you're not
going to believe this,

1041
00:53:07,319 --> 00:53:09,653
but with my job being
so hectic I forgot.

1042
00:53:09,655 --> 00:53:12,323
-You didn't.
-I know, it's terrible.

1043
00:53:12,325 --> 00:53:13,725
But he was so sweet about it.

1044
00:53:13,727 --> 00:53:17,563
He said that his gift was my
happiness that night.

1045
00:53:17,565 --> 00:53:18,932
-Aw.
-Yeah.

1046
00:53:18,934 --> 00:53:21,200
Of, of course had
the tables been turned

1047
00:53:21,202 --> 00:53:22,568
and he forgot I would have

1048
00:53:22,570 --> 00:53:24,237
been a raving hell
bitch on wheels.

1049
00:53:25,307 --> 00:53:28,375
(children wailing)

1050
00:53:29,178 --> 00:53:31,512
Here, grab that corner.

1051
00:53:31,514 --> 00:53:33,982
Why don't you just hire
someone to do all this stuff?

1052
00:53:33,984 --> 00:53:35,885
Doesn't Sam make enough money?

1053
00:53:35,887 --> 00:53:37,052
Oh, stop it.

1054
00:53:38,790 --> 00:53:40,856
Will you two please... shut up!

1055
00:53:40,858 --> 00:53:43,327
-God it never stops!
-Oh, hey, hey, hey!

1056
00:53:43,329 --> 00:53:44,995
Do you guys want
to watch some TV?

1057
00:53:46,565 --> 00:53:47,966
God. Are you okay?

1058
00:53:47,968 --> 00:53:49,099
Right here sweetie.

1059
00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:51,803
-I'll sit down with you baby.
-We're going to watch some TV.

1060
00:53:51,805 --> 00:53:53,137
Oh honey,
can you sit right here.

1061
00:53:53,139 --> 00:53:54,572
It'll be okay honey.

1062
00:53:54,574 --> 00:53:57,142
She's going to put on something
good for you to watch.

1063
00:53:57,144 --> 00:53:59,679
Right Sammie?
Find something please, anything.

1064
00:53:59,681 --> 00:54:02,415
<i>Hey.
 Eyeballs the Robot Goes West.</i>

1065
00:54:02,417 --> 00:54:04,285
Oh! We love Eyeballs.

1066
00:54:04,287 --> 00:54:06,420
Who loves Eyeballs?
We love Eyeballs.

1067
00:54:07,322 --> 00:54:08,522
Put Eyeballs in.

1068
00:54:08,524 --> 00:54:10,859
Okay. Cool.
Here we go. Look!

1069
00:54:10,861 --> 00:54:12,394
Oh! You're going
to love Eyeballs,

1070
00:54:12,396 --> 00:54:13,595
it's a very good one.

1071
00:54:13,597 --> 00:54:15,163
And we're going to
go for ice cream later.

1072
00:54:23,776 --> 00:54:25,175
You guys want anything else?

1073
00:54:29,049 --> 00:54:31,049
His pickle is bigger than mine.

1074
00:54:31,051 --> 00:54:33,319
Story of your life, eh pal?

1075
00:54:33,321 --> 00:54:35,187
Got a regular
"Don Rickles" here.

1076
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:36,522
Joel.

1077
00:54:36,524 --> 00:54:38,825
Take a little advice
from me this time, okay?

1078
00:54:38,827 --> 00:54:42,029
Do not, under any
circumstances, tell Sophie.

1079
00:54:42,031 --> 00:54:44,365
All right? Do not tell Sophie.

1080
00:54:44,367 --> 00:54:46,134
Reuben, I-- I am a cheater.

1081
00:54:46,136 --> 00:54:48,836
I've got this-- this black
cloud hanging over my head.

1082
00:54:48,838 --> 00:54:50,406
See. That's just it.

1083
00:54:50,408 --> 00:54:52,508
You're going to be telling her
to make yourself feel better.

1084
00:54:52,510 --> 00:54:54,743
Believe me, she
doesn't want to know.

1085
00:54:54,745 --> 00:54:56,446
Besides,
it's not really cheating.

1086
00:54:56,448 --> 00:54:59,049
It's not cheating?
Wha... what is it?

1087
00:54:59,051 --> 00:55:00,184
Did you fuck her?

1088
00:55:00,186 --> 00:55:03,320
No, she...
she gave me a hand job.

1089
00:55:06,927 --> 00:55:09,494
-That's it?
-"That's it?"?

1090
00:55:09,496 --> 00:55:10,663
A hand job

1091
00:55:10,665 --> 00:55:12,799
from some bimbo
after a hockey game

1092
00:55:12,801 --> 00:55:14,200
is not cheating.

1093
00:55:14,202 --> 00:55:15,569
Okay?

1094
00:55:15,571 --> 00:55:18,005
I thought at least you got
a blow job or something.

1095
00:55:18,007 --> 00:55:20,475
If it's nothing,
why do I feel so nauseous?

1096
00:55:20,477 --> 00:55:23,078
It's Jewish guilt.
Mom instilled it in us both.

1097
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:24,713
You've gotta fight it, Joel.
Fight it!

1098
00:55:24,715 --> 00:55:26,181
Right. Fight it.

1099
00:55:26,183 --> 00:55:28,683
Besides you told me
about the massage parlor.

1100
00:55:28,685 --> 00:55:30,553
-What's the difference?
-The difference?

1101
00:55:30,555 --> 00:55:31,954
The difference is
I didn't pick somebody up

1102
00:55:31,956 --> 00:55:33,390
and take them back to
their apartment. I just--

1103
00:55:33,392 --> 00:55:36,359
Got your crank yanked!
Big whoop!

1104
00:55:36,361 --> 00:55:37,695
Put it in its
proper perspective.

1105
00:55:37,697 --> 00:55:40,531
Okay? Think about it.
If Sophie had some...

1106
00:55:40,533 --> 00:55:42,834
nothing thing,
that happened on the side.

1107
00:55:42,836 --> 00:55:45,504
Some meaningless whatever, that
was never going to happen again.

1108
00:55:45,740 --> 00:55:47,339
Would you really want to know?

1109
00:55:47,341 --> 00:55:48,575
Yes.

1110
00:55:48,577 --> 00:55:50,443
Yes I would want to know.
But, come on.

1111
00:55:50,445 --> 00:55:51,845
That-- that would never happen.

1112
00:55:52,647 --> 00:55:55,548
<i>Sophie: It was a breezy night</i>

1113
00:55:55,550 --> 00:55:59,854
<i> and there was
 a chemistry, you know?</i>

1114
00:55:59,856 --> 00:56:03,959
<i>I really, I didn't encourage it,
 it was just there.</i>

1115
00:56:03,961 --> 00:56:08,030
<i> And I hadn't felt that
 feeling in a really long time.</i>

1116
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:11,769
<i> And... electricity
 between us, you know.</i>

1117
00:56:11,771 --> 00:56:14,605
<i> It actually made me
 kind of nervous.</i>

1118
00:56:15,274 --> 00:56:17,242
<i> He walked me to my car.</i>

1119
00:56:17,244 --> 00:56:18,543
<i> And...</i>

1120
00:56:30,359 --> 00:56:33,261
No way!

1121
00:56:33,263 --> 00:56:35,463
I feel real guilty about that.

1122
00:56:35,465 --> 00:56:37,098
Oh! Pshaw!

1123
00:56:37,100 --> 00:56:39,233
You didn't do anything.

1124
00:56:39,235 --> 00:56:42,437
It's not what I did.
It's what I felt.

1125
00:56:43,374 --> 00:56:46,276
I actually think I have
a little crush on this guy.

1126
00:56:46,278 --> 00:56:49,112
He invited me to
a museum next week.

1127
00:56:49,114 --> 00:56:50,481
I'm not going.

1128
00:56:52,351 --> 00:56:54,351
The boys have been so good.

1129
00:56:54,353 --> 00:56:55,787
Not a peep out of them.

1130
00:56:55,789 --> 00:56:58,657
Yeah.
It's almost a little too quiet.

1131
00:56:58,659 --> 00:57:00,960
Hey! Hank! How you
guys doing in there?

1132
00:57:03,865 --> 00:57:05,064
Hank?

1133
00:57:08,704 --> 00:57:10,070
Oh.

1134
00:57:11,740 --> 00:57:13,574
-Oh my God.

1135
00:57:13,576 --> 00:57:15,610
What's going on?
Why are you so quiet?

1136
00:57:15,612 --> 00:57:17,245
<i>Woman: Keep pumping Colonel,
 we're going to lose the ship.</i>

1137
00:57:17,247 --> 00:57:19,481
<i>Man: I'm pumping as fast
 as I can, Captain!</i>

1138
00:57:19,483 --> 00:57:20,716
-Oh my God!
-Oh! Oh, no!

1139
00:57:20,852 --> 00:57:21,985
-Sammie: Oh my God!
-Bonnie: Okay! Okay! Okay!

1140
00:57:21,987 --> 00:57:23,520
I know boys!
Please don't watch it!

1141
00:57:23,522 --> 00:57:24,921
Don't look, I don't want you to!
Please don't look!

1142
00:57:24,923 --> 00:57:27,157
Oh, don't look babies!
It's okay! Turn it off!

1143
00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:28,959
Turn it off!

1144
00:57:28,961 --> 00:57:30,728
Yes hon,
it's going to be, it's okay.

1145
00:57:30,730 --> 00:57:32,997
I know! I know! God!

1146
00:57:33,566 --> 00:57:36,067
(children crying)

1147
00:57:36,069 --> 00:57:39,404
Bonnie: Oh my God.
Eyeballs the Robot my ass!

1148
00:57:39,406 --> 00:57:42,542
God, Bonnie, I am so sorry.
You saw the box.

1149
00:57:42,544 --> 00:57:44,944
I had no idea it was in there.

1150
00:57:44,946 --> 00:57:48,048
<i> Fuck Rogers in the
 69th Century? Sammie!</i>

1151
00:57:48,050 --> 00:57:50,885
God! I swear to God I have
no idea how that happened.

1152
00:57:50,887 --> 00:57:51,987
Chicken!

1153
00:57:51,989 --> 00:57:53,488
-Oh honey no...
-Oh, God.

1154
00:57:53,490 --> 00:57:54,823
Jason, come on honey.

1155
00:57:54,825 --> 00:57:56,292
Come on honey.
Go play with Hanky.

1156
00:57:56,294 --> 00:57:58,895
You guys go-- go play puzzle.
Mommy will be right there.

1157
00:57:58,897 --> 00:58:00,630
-Oh God.
-Play with something nice.

1158
00:58:00,632 --> 00:58:03,600
Okay! Okay! Okay! It's alright.

1159
00:58:03,602 --> 00:58:05,669
They must have
put the wrong tape

1160
00:58:05,671 --> 00:58:07,372
in the wrong box at the store.

1161
00:58:07,374 --> 00:58:08,907
It's a mistake. It happens.

1162
00:58:08,909 --> 00:58:12,511
Oh. You... You can't be
that naive. Can you?

1163
00:58:12,513 --> 00:58:13,711
What?

1164
00:58:15,016 --> 00:58:17,283
Oh? You don't really
think I did this?

1165
00:58:17,285 --> 00:58:19,452
Of course not!

1166
00:58:20,187 --> 00:58:21,821
Who's tape is this?

1167
00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:23,925
It's Sam's.
But that doesn't--

1168
00:58:23,927 --> 00:58:26,227
But nothing! I rest my case!

1169
00:58:26,229 --> 00:58:29,865
Why would Sam hide
a porno tape in the house?

1170
00:58:29,867 --> 00:58:32,234
Oh! What do you need?
A sex education class?

1171
00:58:32,236 --> 00:58:33,669
Figure it out?

1172
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:37,507
Oh, my God.

1173
00:58:37,509 --> 00:58:40,878
-Oh no, oh no.
-Oh Sammie. I'm sorry, I...

1174
00:58:42,581 --> 00:58:44,616
-I must not satisfy him fully.
-Oh!

1175
00:58:44,618 --> 00:58:47,485
No! I mean, I...
am I not sexy, anymore?

1176
00:58:47,487 --> 00:58:49,221
I mean, is this because
I'm pregnant?

1177
00:58:49,223 --> 00:58:51,222
Oh, Sammie.

1178
00:58:51,224 --> 00:58:52,758
Don't-- don't do
that to yourself.

1179
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:54,226
Please. You are
a beautiful woman.

1180
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:55,461
This is not your fault.

1181
00:58:55,463 --> 00:58:56,796
No. It's just that we,

1182
00:58:56,798 --> 00:58:59,800
we haven't made love
as much lately, I just...

1183
00:58:59,802 --> 00:59:02,402
maybe he just
finds me repulsive.

1184
00:59:02,404 --> 00:59:04,272
You know, no maybe
he feels like he,

1185
00:59:04,273 --> 00:59:06,407
he just has to marry me,
because I'm pregnant,

1186
00:59:06,409 --> 00:59:09,210
and-- and really doesn't find
me desirable at all any more.

1187
00:59:09,212 --> 00:59:10,646
I don't know.

1188
00:59:10,648 --> 00:59:13,182
I just know that we have
never had secrets before.

1189
00:59:13,184 --> 00:59:14,483
-Never.
-Oh, Sammie.

1190
00:59:14,486 --> 00:59:17,288
I have to say it. I told you so.
I told you this.

1191
00:59:17,290 --> 00:59:20,691
Men are men.
Get your head out of the sand.

1192
00:59:20,693 --> 00:59:21,926
Sam is the same as every

1193
00:59:21,928 --> 00:59:24,196
other two-legged
testosterone factory.

1194
00:59:24,198 --> 00:59:25,797
They're all cheats. All of them.

1195
00:59:27,334 --> 00:59:29,568
Is watching a porno
movie cheating?

1196
00:59:30,839 --> 00:59:32,338
It's just one notch away.

1197
00:59:33,875 --> 00:59:35,641
Stanley watched porno movies.

1198
01:00:01,608 --> 01:00:03,976
There you go, Merle.
Thank you.

1199
01:00:03,978 --> 01:00:06,412
<i>I just loved your last book.
 Dead Turtles.</i>

1200
01:00:06,414 --> 01:00:07,746
Oh, you were the one
who bought that.

1201
01:00:07,748 --> 01:00:09,348
Well, thank you very much.

1202
01:00:10,118 --> 01:00:12,285
Can you sign it to Bambi?

1203
01:00:12,287 --> 01:00:14,155
Because I'm your biggest fan.

1204
01:00:14,157 --> 01:00:16,090
Well, I'll be.

1205
01:00:16,092 --> 01:00:18,492
If it isn't Miss Congeniality.

1206
01:00:18,494 --> 01:00:21,363
<i> Despair is in D'Trunk.</i>

1207
01:00:21,365 --> 01:00:22,999
Now that sounds cheery.

1208
01:00:23,001 --> 01:00:24,132
Standard novel fair.

1209
01:00:24,134 --> 01:00:26,035
Boy meets girl. Boy kills girl.

1210
01:00:26,037 --> 01:00:28,839
Boy stuffs girl in trunk
and drives cross country.

1211
01:00:28,841 --> 01:00:30,039
The usual.

1212
01:00:30,042 --> 01:00:32,910
Ugh! So, how many
did you sign today?

1213
01:00:32,912 --> 01:00:35,313
-Including the last two?
-Uh huh.

1214
01:00:35,315 --> 01:00:37,816
-Two.
-Aw.

1215
01:00:37,818 --> 01:00:40,051
Well. Just to prove to you
that I'm not

1216
01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:43,956
the total bitch you think I am,
I'm going to buy this one.

1217
01:00:45,293 --> 01:00:47,694
I never thought you
were a total bitch.

1218
01:00:47,696 --> 01:00:49,930
I admire someone who's
committed to a point of view.

1219
01:00:50,666 --> 01:00:53,000
I said I'd buy it.
I didn't say I'd read it.

1220
01:00:53,536 --> 01:00:54,735
Bitch.

1221
01:00:55,271 --> 01:00:56,671
To Claudia.

1222
01:00:56,673 --> 01:00:59,908
The subject of my next book.

1223
01:01:00,644 --> 01:01:01,878
I'm flattered.

1224
01:01:02,546 --> 01:01:03,645
Ah.

1225
01:01:06,418 --> 01:01:09,887
You know, it is possible...

1226
01:01:11,257 --> 01:01:13,592
...highly unlikely,
but possible,

1227
01:01:13,594 --> 01:01:15,059
that I might have been,

1228
01:01:15,061 --> 01:01:18,464
in the most minute
and unintentional way,

1229
01:01:19,767 --> 01:01:22,802
a hair obnoxious
at that party myself.

1230
01:01:22,804 --> 01:01:25,438
Get out of here.
You?

1231
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,341
Could be.

1232
01:01:27,343 --> 01:01:30,644
-Oh! Can I show you something?
-Sure.

1233
01:01:36,853 --> 01:01:39,488
-Here it is.
-My God. What is it?

1234
01:01:39,490 --> 01:01:40,956
I'll have you know
you're not the only one

1235
01:01:40,958 --> 01:01:42,859
who's been published.

1236
01:01:42,861 --> 01:01:47,198
No. This is a compilation of
award winning photographs.

1237
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:49,200
Feast your eyes on page 188.

1238
01:01:49,202 --> 01:01:52,404
Ooh, I'm very impressed.

1239
01:01:52,406 --> 01:01:55,107
"Photographed
by Claudia VonHoist".

1240
01:01:55,743 --> 01:01:57,377
This is very good.

1241
01:01:58,812 --> 01:02:00,647
-I love it.
-Ooh.

1242
01:02:00,649 --> 01:02:02,048
Who's the guy?

1243
01:02:02,050 --> 01:02:04,984
Oh, this is the oldest
lighthouse keeper on Cape Cod,

1244
01:02:04,986 --> 01:02:06,820
and these are two of his otters.

1245
01:02:06,822 --> 01:02:08,423
Well I guess, now
I'll have to buy your book.

1246
01:02:08,425 --> 01:02:09,590
Uh huh.

1247
01:02:11,695 --> 01:02:12,961
"To Art,

1248
01:02:13,630 --> 01:02:18,936
How can so much jerk

1249
01:02:18,938 --> 01:02:24,141
fit into such a small package?

1250
01:02:24,577 --> 01:02:25,842
Claudia."

1251
01:02:31,751 --> 01:02:33,018
Touch�.

1252
01:02:36,090 --> 01:02:37,356
Alright.

1253
01:02:44,234 --> 01:02:46,534
-(clears throat) Guys...
-Huh?

1254
01:02:47,737 --> 01:02:49,838
Alright. I'll call you okay?

1255
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:52,307
Bye sweetie.
Bye bye, baby.

1256
01:02:53,445 --> 01:02:56,512
Ah man, what a woman.

1257
01:02:56,514 --> 01:02:58,782
You are lucky you
only got a fine.

1258
01:02:58,784 --> 01:02:59,950
Now listen to me.
If I didn't go to

1259
01:02:59,952 --> 01:03:01,252
law school with that prosecutor,

1260
01:03:01,254 --> 01:03:02,420
you would have gotten
in a lot more trouble,

1261
01:03:02,422 --> 01:03:03,854
do you understand?
Do you understand?

1262
01:03:03,856 --> 01:03:06,024
-So stop being such a hot head!
-Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

1263
01:03:06,025 --> 01:03:07,125
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

1264
01:03:07,127 --> 01:03:08,193
-I mean it, thank you.
-Alright.

1265
01:03:08,195 --> 01:03:09,461
-You are my hero.
-Alright.

1266
01:03:09,463 --> 01:03:11,163
-My brother, thank you.
-Alright I'll see you

1267
01:03:11,165 --> 01:03:12,231
at mom's birthday party.

1268
01:03:12,232 --> 01:03:13,899
Okay, okay, I mean it man.

1269
01:03:13,901 --> 01:03:15,635
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You are my Willie Mays.

1270
01:03:15,637 --> 01:03:18,038
-You are my Neil Armstrong.
-Enough. Enough.

1271
01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:20,041
-Go home you little shit.
-We won! (whooping)

1272
01:03:20,043 --> 01:03:21,576
Stay out of trouble.

1273
01:04:10,168 --> 01:04:12,002
(gasps)

1274
01:04:20,613 --> 01:04:23,649
(cheering and applause)

1275
01:04:24,552 --> 01:04:26,386
<i>Miles:
 Hey everybody. We're back.</i>

1276
01:04:27,388 --> 01:04:29,489
<i> We're talking with Sammie.</i>

1277
01:04:29,491 --> 01:04:31,324
<i> Now Sammie has
 recently discovered</i>

1278
01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:34,495
<i> that her fiance has
 been secretly watching</i>

1279
01:04:34,497 --> 01:04:35,763
<i> porno movies.</i>

1280
01:04:37,300 --> 01:04:39,634
(audience booing)

1281
01:04:39,636 --> 01:04:42,372
Now, it's obvious to me
that Sammie's

1282
01:04:42,374 --> 01:04:44,039
not ready to face this yet.

1283
01:04:45,243 --> 01:04:47,710
Now Sammie, in your opinion,

1284
01:04:47,712 --> 01:04:49,913
knowing Sam as well as you do,

1285
01:04:49,914 --> 01:04:52,484
is Sam's obsession with porn,

1286
01:04:52,486 --> 01:04:58,057
Sam's sick, perverse,
twisted,

1287
01:04:58,059 --> 01:05:02,628
disturbed preoccupation with
images of sweaty strangers,

1288
01:05:02,630 --> 01:05:07,200
thrusting, secreting
and fornicating,

1289
01:05:07,202 --> 01:05:10,738
is this vile addiction

1290
01:05:10,740 --> 01:05:13,241
an indicator that Sam,

1291
01:05:13,243 --> 01:05:18,247
your fiance, might be cheating?

1292
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:27,792
Well, I've... I have given
this a lot of thought, Miles.

1293
01:05:28,794 --> 01:05:31,762
And no!
No! Absolutely not!

1294
01:05:31,764 --> 01:05:34,499
(audience shouting)

1295
01:05:34,501 --> 01:05:36,968
No. None of you
know Sam like I do.

1296
01:05:36,970 --> 01:05:39,972
He's just--
He's different than that.

1297
01:05:39,974 --> 01:05:41,974
Pipe down gang.

1298
01:05:41,976 --> 01:05:44,945
Sammie, we have
a little surprise for you.

1299
01:05:46,615 --> 01:05:48,882
It's Doogy Cam time.

1300
01:05:52,155 --> 01:05:53,388
What?

1301
01:05:53,390 --> 01:05:55,657
Direct, from
the motel across the street

1302
01:05:55,659 --> 01:05:57,626
from your dry cleaner.

1303
01:05:57,628 --> 01:05:59,995
<i> It's show time.</i>

1304
01:06:00,298 --> 01:06:03,099
(laughing)

1305
01:06:03,235 --> 01:06:05,670
<i> -Sammie!
-(screams)</i>

1306
01:06:05,838 --> 01:06:07,070
<i> I can explain.</i>

1307
01:06:07,072 --> 01:06:08,272
<i> It's not what
 it looks like, Sammie.</i>

1308
01:06:08,274 --> 01:06:10,542
<i>-Sammie: Turn it off!
 -Sammie.</i>

1309
01:06:10,544 --> 01:06:12,811
<i> Turn it off!</i>

1310
01:06:12,946 --> 01:06:15,614
(evil laughter)

1311
01:06:16,650 --> 01:06:18,952
(gasps)

1312
01:07:12,750 --> 01:07:15,818
(moaning)

1313
01:08:59,877 --> 01:09:01,143
<i>Dr. Taft:
You thinking what I'm thinking?</i>

1314
01:09:01,145 --> 01:09:02,811
<i>Sophie: That we can never
 do this again.</i>

1315
01:09:03,180 --> 01:09:04,647
I think the best thing
is if we just

1316
01:09:04,649 --> 01:09:06,449
put this whole thing behind us.

1317
01:09:06,451 --> 01:09:08,384
Right we, we move forward.
We are adults.

1318
01:09:08,386 --> 01:09:10,087
Right... right... right.

1319
01:09:10,089 --> 01:09:13,057
Oh Gosh, this is just something
we could have never predicted.

1320
01:09:13,059 --> 01:09:14,759
It's just-- it just--
it just happened.

1321
01:09:14,761 --> 01:09:16,761
Exactly, exactly,
I mean,

1322
01:09:16,764 --> 01:09:18,931
we're both coming at it
from exactly the same place.

1323
01:09:18,933 --> 01:09:20,966
I mean, we both have
a great deal to lose.

1324
01:09:23,471 --> 01:09:25,071
Oh God, I love her.

1325
01:09:26,208 --> 01:09:28,141
I love him so much.

1326
01:09:33,683 --> 01:09:34,983
See you in class.

1327
01:09:35,619 --> 01:09:36,784
Yeah.

1328
01:09:57,846 --> 01:10:00,914
I can't believe it.
I just-- I can't believe it.

1329
01:10:00,916 --> 01:10:04,151
Man: It's the classic "man with
a double life" scenario.

1330
01:10:04,153 --> 01:10:06,553
Jekyll and Hyde.
I see them everyday.

1331
01:10:06,555 --> 01:10:08,089
One way at home
with the wife and kids,

1332
01:10:08,091 --> 01:10:10,925
another way when out
perusing the gay bar scene.

1333
01:10:11,428 --> 01:10:13,229
He's gay?

1334
01:10:13,231 --> 01:10:16,900
No. I was just saying
as an example.

1335
01:10:16,902 --> 01:10:20,070
Your fiance is what I like
to call a "Porno Pete".

1336
01:10:20,072 --> 01:10:21,872
A little nickname
we give to the guys

1337
01:10:21,874 --> 01:10:24,675
who "like to watch TV",
if you know what I mean.

1338
01:10:25,778 --> 01:10:29,747
Is he... cheating on me
with anyone?

1339
01:10:31,351 --> 01:10:32,584
Probably.

1340
01:10:32,586 --> 01:10:34,187
If he's got a couple of
honeys stashed,

1341
01:10:34,189 --> 01:10:36,022
he's keeping them well hidden.

1342
01:10:36,024 --> 01:10:38,358
We could be following him
around for months.

1343
01:10:38,360 --> 01:10:40,995
Now I suggest we speed things up

1344
01:10:40,997 --> 01:10:43,164
and go with plan B.

1345
01:10:43,166 --> 01:10:45,000
Operation Bait.

1346
01:10:46,435 --> 01:10:47,936
Operation Bait?

1347
01:10:48,539 --> 01:10:50,505
Works every time.

1348
01:10:55,213 --> 01:10:56,579
Man: Come in.

1349
01:11:09,964 --> 01:11:11,897
I think not.

1350
01:11:11,899 --> 01:11:14,200
(laughs)

1351
01:11:20,342 --> 01:11:21,576
Thank you.

1352
01:11:23,346 --> 01:11:25,012
Okay, I'm just staying
for cheese cake

1353
01:11:25,014 --> 01:11:26,648
and then really I gotta go.

1354
01:11:26,650 --> 01:11:29,952
-One more time.
-Oh. Three is more than enough.

1355
01:11:29,954 --> 01:11:31,955
Don't you ever get tired?

1356
01:11:31,957 --> 01:11:34,123
When you have sex
as infrequently as I do,

1357
01:11:34,125 --> 01:11:36,160
you have to stock up.

1358
01:11:36,162 --> 01:11:37,761
That's not what
I've heard about you.

1359
01:11:37,763 --> 01:11:38,996
No. Really, I, I gotta go home

1360
01:11:38,998 --> 01:11:40,731
because Isaac will
be expecting me.

1361
01:11:41,567 --> 01:11:43,935
Why do I get the feeling this is

1362
01:11:43,937 --> 01:11:46,439
not the first time
that you have done

1363
01:11:46,441 --> 01:11:47,673
this sort of thing?

1364
01:11:47,675 --> 01:11:49,876
-It's not.
-Ah ha.

1365
01:11:49,878 --> 01:11:52,345
What would Isaac think?

1366
01:11:52,347 --> 01:11:55,583
Well, Isaac and I have...
an agreement.

1367
01:11:55,585 --> 01:11:56,917
-Really?
-Mm-hm.

1368
01:11:56,919 --> 01:11:59,187
-What kind of agreement?
-Oh, I don't ask questions.

1369
01:11:59,188 --> 01:12:00,521
He doesn't ask questions.

1370
01:12:00,523 --> 01:12:01,990
And then we just love
each other madly

1371
01:12:01,992 --> 01:12:04,092
when we're together.
It's perfect.

1372
01:12:05,162 --> 01:12:07,998
Wait a second, wait a second.

1373
01:12:08,799 --> 01:12:10,467
If memory serves me

1374
01:12:10,469 --> 01:12:12,570
you were my arch enemy
at that dinner.

1375
01:12:12,572 --> 01:12:15,272
If your views are so liberal
I could have used a little help.

1376
01:12:15,274 --> 01:12:16,741
Well, my relationship with Isaac

1377
01:12:16,743 --> 01:12:18,976
is not dinner party
conversation.

1378
01:12:18,978 --> 01:12:23,215
Besides, your arrogance
really pissed me off.

1379
01:12:23,384 --> 01:12:25,651
(chuckles)

1380
01:12:27,021 --> 01:12:30,457
So, if you guys sleep
with other people,

1381
01:12:30,459 --> 01:12:32,326
doesn't that undermine

1382
01:12:32,328 --> 01:12:34,728
the whole concept of
a committed relationship?

1383
01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:37,966
Are you, Mr. Free Love Art,

1384
01:12:37,968 --> 01:12:40,235
saying that we should
be monogamous?

1385
01:12:40,237 --> 01:12:42,872
Isn't that the whole point of
marriage in the first place?

1386
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,142
The holy bond.
The scared trust.

1387
01:12:46,144 --> 01:12:47,543
All that stuff.

1388
01:12:47,545 --> 01:12:49,512
Wait a minute, are you
the same Art from the party?

1389
01:12:49,514 --> 01:12:51,982
The, the one who said

1390
01:12:51,984 --> 01:12:54,886
"monogamy is denial",
"all couples cheat".

1391
01:12:54,888 --> 01:12:57,188
I mean what...
what was all that about?

1392
01:12:58,058 --> 01:12:59,958
Research for my new book.

1393
01:13:01,897 --> 01:13:03,863
You really are an asshole.

1394
01:13:04,899 --> 01:13:06,099
Yes.

1395
01:13:06,101 --> 01:13:10,136
But... a very cute asshole.

1396
01:13:12,642 --> 01:13:14,041
Man: Good evening
ladies and gentlemen.

1397
01:13:14,043 --> 01:13:15,409
I would like to thank you for

1398
01:13:15,411 --> 01:13:18,480
your continued support of
this fine museum.

1399
01:13:18,482 --> 01:13:21,417
You angels, you patrons
and you contributors,

1400
01:13:21,419 --> 01:13:24,722
we owe you a tremendous debt
of gratitude and thanks.

1401
01:13:24,724 --> 01:13:27,825
This year's dinner I think
was the most delicious yet.

1402
01:13:27,827 --> 01:13:29,927
Indeed, please join me

1403
01:13:29,929 --> 01:13:32,864
in thanking our
caterers this evening.

1404
01:13:32,866 --> 01:13:34,466
The Bellissimo Belle Cafe,

1405
01:13:34,468 --> 01:13:38,570
chef Samuel Gordon
and his entire fine staff.

1406
01:13:38,572 --> 01:13:40,440
-Thank you.
-(applause)

1407
01:13:40,442 --> 01:13:41,540
Thank you.

1408
01:13:42,678 --> 01:13:44,511
Now then...

1409
01:13:44,513 --> 01:13:46,079
When this great institution

1410
01:13:46,081 --> 01:13:50,251
first opened its doors
in 1927...

1411
01:13:50,253 --> 01:13:52,920
Have you had a chance to
try one of Sam's eclairs yet?

1412
01:13:53,923 --> 01:13:55,391
They are fucking delicious.

1413
01:13:55,393 --> 01:13:56,692
-(gasps)
-You should try one.

1414
01:14:10,811 --> 01:14:12,210
What is that?

1415
01:14:12,212 --> 01:14:15,681
This is a hazelnut tort
with caramelized icing.

1416
01:14:16,817 --> 01:14:18,518
They all look so divine.

1417
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:19,819
I don't know what to choose.

1418
01:14:19,821 --> 01:14:21,687
Well, why don't you try...

1419
01:14:21,689 --> 01:14:23,257
would you like to
try a piece of this?

1420
01:14:23,259 --> 01:14:24,925
And maybe some...
some other stuff?

1421
01:14:24,927 --> 01:14:27,729
-Little bit of everything.
-You're the chef, aren't you?

1422
01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:29,230
Yes I am.

1423
01:14:29,232 --> 01:14:31,667
My God. You are a genius.

1424
01:14:33,004 --> 01:14:34,870
-Hi, I'm Candace.
-Sam.

1425
01:14:34,872 --> 01:14:36,839
I do P.R. for the museum.

1426
01:14:36,841 --> 01:14:38,040
Nice to meet you.

1427
01:14:39,344 --> 01:14:42,146
-Oh, your fork.
-Thank you.

1428
01:14:42,148 --> 01:14:43,748
Do they ever call you Candy?

1429
01:14:45,452 --> 01:14:47,585
Sometimes.

1430
01:14:47,587 --> 01:14:48,786
It's ironic that
I should meet somebody

1431
01:14:48,788 --> 01:14:50,289
named Candy at a desert table.

1432
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,594
You're funny.

1433
01:14:54,596 --> 01:14:56,396
I love a man with
a sense of humor.

1434
01:14:57,365 --> 01:14:58,698
It's rare.

1435
01:15:03,906 --> 01:15:07,074
Well, that's... that's quite
a pin you're wearing.

1436
01:15:07,076 --> 01:15:08,710
Candace: I love spiders.

1437
01:15:08,712 --> 01:15:10,679
<i> I think they're
 mysterious and sexy.</i>

1438
01:15:10,681 --> 01:15:15,051
<i> Well... "Step into my parlor
 said the spider to the fly".</i>

1439
01:15:15,053 --> 01:15:16,853
Oh my God.

1440
01:15:16,855 --> 01:15:19,089
He's flirting with her.

1441
01:15:19,091 --> 01:15:20,457
<i>Candace: You're so clever.</i>

1442
01:15:21,193 --> 01:15:23,727
You're so funny.

1443
01:15:23,729 --> 01:15:25,763
And very clever, ho, ho.

1444
01:15:25,765 --> 01:15:27,699
I can't believe he's
buying that shit.

1445
01:15:27,701 --> 01:15:31,036
Sammie, this may get
very difficult to watch.

1446
01:15:31,038 --> 01:15:34,141
My operative is prepared
to go all the way.

1447
01:15:36,311 --> 01:15:37,878
I'm staying.

1448
01:15:37,880 --> 01:15:39,580
<i>Candace: The lobster ravioli...</i>

1449
01:15:41,117 --> 01:15:42,885
<i> ...I think I could bathe
 in that stuff.</i>

1450
01:15:43,854 --> 01:15:46,221
<i>Sam: Thank you very much.
 I'm glad you liked it.</i>

1451
01:15:47,224 --> 01:15:49,558
Would you like
a bite of your own cake?

1452
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:52,595
<i> Well I usually don't...
 Oh, okay...</i>

1453
01:15:52,597 --> 01:15:54,230
He hates cake.

1454
01:15:55,001 --> 01:15:56,267
<i>Sam: Thank you.</i>

1455
01:16:46,962 --> 01:16:48,896
(screaming)

1456
01:16:50,298 --> 01:16:53,400
<i> Don't tell her Joel.
 I mean it! Don't tell her!</i>

1457
01:16:57,007 --> 01:16:58,473
<i>Rueben: Break it up! Come on!
 Break it up, break it up!</i>

1458
01:16:58,475 --> 01:16:59,874
<i> I mean it Joel! I know
 what you're thinking.</i>

1459
01:16:59,876 --> 01:17:02,311
<i> -You'll be sorry!
-Shut up!</i>

1460
01:17:03,681 --> 01:17:05,014
Did you say something?

1461
01:17:07,352 --> 01:17:09,286
No, why?

1462
01:17:09,288 --> 01:17:11,489
Sweetie, you look a little pale.

1463
01:17:11,491 --> 01:17:12,790
Do you feel okay?

1464
01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:15,660
Sophie, I have to
tell you something.

1465
01:17:21,802 --> 01:17:24,104
I just can't believe no
one's thought of the idea.

1466
01:17:24,106 --> 01:17:26,740
Carl? I'll see you back
at headquarters.

1467
01:17:29,912 --> 01:17:32,480
Well, I should get going too.

1468
01:17:32,482 --> 01:17:33,615
Oh no. So soon?

1469
01:17:33,617 --> 01:17:35,851
Mmm... it's been
great talking to you.

1470
01:17:37,354 --> 01:17:39,321
I guess I'll call a cab.

1471
01:17:39,323 --> 01:17:40,790
Well, you know, I've got my car.

1472
01:17:40,792 --> 01:17:42,091
I could give you a ride.

1473
01:17:42,093 --> 01:17:43,426
That would be great.

1474
01:17:43,428 --> 01:17:44,594
Okay.

1475
01:17:45,464 --> 01:17:47,631
Walt! Walt! Wake up.

1476
01:17:47,633 --> 01:17:49,500
Wake up, they're leaving.

1477
01:17:49,502 --> 01:17:51,101
-Oh, shit.
-They're leaving. Go.

1478
01:17:51,103 --> 01:17:52,937
-The subject's mobile.
-Quick.

1479
01:18:03,018 --> 01:18:05,852
<i> Then I have to go to
 work, which is... work.</i>

1480
01:18:05,854 --> 01:18:07,721
<i> And then... work. You know.</i>

1481
01:18:08,892 --> 01:18:10,091
<i>Sam: Here you go,
 watch your head. Yeah.</i>

1482
01:18:10,093 --> 01:18:11,593
<i>-Candace: Thank you.
-Sam: Okay.</i>

1483
01:18:17,135 --> 01:18:18,601
Come on baby.

1484
01:18:21,106 --> 01:18:22,405
<i>Candace: Coogan.</i>

1485
01:18:22,407 --> 01:18:23,841
Are you sure you
don't mind, I feel really...

1486
01:18:23,843 --> 01:18:25,176
<i>Sam: No, that's all right.</i>

1487
01:18:32,319 --> 01:18:33,585
<i>Sam: Where do you live again?</i>

1488
01:18:33,587 --> 01:18:35,021
<i> Wilshire? Wilshire and what?</i>

1489
01:18:35,023 --> 01:18:36,089
<i>Candace: Coogan.</i>

1490
01:18:36,257 --> 01:18:37,957
<i> It's two blocks
 easts of Fairfax.</i>

1491
01:18:37,959 --> 01:18:39,259
<i>Sam: What's your
 favorite dessert?</i>

1492
01:18:39,261 --> 01:18:40,426
<i>-Candace: Tapioca.
-Sam: Tapioca?</i>

1493
01:18:40,428 --> 01:18:42,463
Sammie: You know you think--
you think you know someone.

1494
01:18:42,464 --> 01:18:44,498
Yeah, you think you
really know someone.

1495
01:18:44,501 --> 01:18:46,134
And then suddenly, he's driving

1496
01:18:46,136 --> 01:18:48,570
to some strange woman's house
in the middle of the night.

1497
01:18:48,572 --> 01:18:50,205
Can you ever really
know someone?

1498
01:18:50,207 --> 01:18:52,775
I mean really know them?

1499
01:18:52,777 --> 01:18:54,577
Sam knows everything
there is to know about me.

1500
01:18:54,579 --> 01:18:55,946
-Walt: Everything?
-Everything.

1501
01:18:55,948 --> 01:18:58,281
Come on. Old romances.

1502
01:18:58,283 --> 01:19:00,618
Past lovers.
Secret crushes.

1503
01:19:00,620 --> 01:19:03,354
Private fantasies while
you're having sex.

1504
01:19:03,356 --> 01:19:05,256
Everybody's got things
going on their head

1505
01:19:05,258 --> 01:19:07,258
that no one else knows about.

1506
01:19:07,260 --> 01:19:08,327
Everyone.

1507
01:19:08,329 --> 01:19:10,796
Well, I guess-- I guess

1508
01:19:10,798 --> 01:19:13,098
there was the time
that I kissed this...

1509
01:19:13,100 --> 01:19:16,236
I kissed this waiter, Carl,
at his restaurant.

1510
01:19:16,238 --> 01:19:17,771
But it was a Christmas party.
You know.

1511
01:19:17,773 --> 01:19:20,107
There-- there
was mistletoe and...

1512
01:19:21,177 --> 01:19:23,412
there was tongue
involved however.

1513
01:19:23,414 --> 01:19:26,281
-See.
-Well, I'm not proud of it.

1514
01:19:26,283 --> 01:19:28,884
<i> In the movies
 everything's always</i>

1515
01:19:28,886 --> 01:19:31,287
<i>spelled out in black and white.</i>

1516
01:19:31,289 --> 01:19:34,258
<i> Real life is more
 complex than that.</i>

1517
01:19:34,260 --> 01:19:38,695
<i> And love is the most
 complex issue of all.</i>

1518
01:19:38,697 --> 01:19:40,665
I bet you'll never guess
who I saw today.

1519
01:19:40,667 --> 01:19:42,700
-Who?
-Art.

1520
01:19:42,702 --> 01:19:45,671
<i>Art: People are imperfect.</i>

1521
01:19:45,673 --> 01:19:48,641
<i> I'm neither condoning
 nor condemning.</i>

1522
01:19:48,643 --> 01:19:49,943
Isaac:
God, the guy was so nervous.

1523
01:19:49,945 --> 01:19:51,043
<i> ...any particular
 style of commitment</i>

1524
01:19:51,045 --> 01:19:52,145
<i> over another in my book.</i>

1525
01:19:52,313 --> 01:19:54,714
I went over to him
just to say hi, and he...

1526
01:19:54,716 --> 01:19:56,384
<i>-He got all fidgety and...
-Art: wanted to explore couples.</i>

1527
01:19:56,386 --> 01:19:58,019
...pale and sweaty.

1528
01:19:58,021 --> 01:20:00,087
The guy couldn't even
make eye contact with me.

1529
01:20:02,826 --> 01:20:04,760
He couldn't get away
from me fast enough.

1530
01:20:04,762 --> 01:20:06,628
He almost got hit by a bus
starting across the street.

1531
01:20:06,630 --> 01:20:08,131
<i>Art: I've talked to
 a lot of people and...</i>

1532
01:20:08,133 --> 01:20:09,632
Isaac: I think there's something
seriously wrong with that guy.

1533
01:20:09,634 --> 01:20:12,635
<i>Art: ...and, ah, I've lived
 a bit of a life myself.</i>

1534
01:20:12,637 --> 01:20:15,772
<i> And if there is one thing
that I have learned...</i>

1535
01:20:17,877 --> 01:20:21,413
<i> ...it's that I have
 absolutely no idea</i>

1536
01:20:22,249 --> 01:20:23,715
<i> what I'm talking about.</i>

1537
01:20:24,384 --> 01:20:26,752
(audience applauds)

1538
01:20:30,759 --> 01:20:33,627
<i>Miles: The book is called
The Monogamy Denial.</i>

1539
01:20:38,168 --> 01:20:39,334
What?

1540
01:20:41,839 --> 01:20:43,439
Did... did you fuck him?

1541
01:20:50,249 --> 01:20:52,283
I thought we had an agreement.

1542
01:20:53,119 --> 01:20:54,352
"No questions."

1543
01:20:58,625 --> 01:20:59,825
Yeah we did.

1544
01:20:59,827 --> 01:21:01,026
-Oh.
-Yes we do.

1545
01:21:01,028 --> 01:21:02,928
-Hey.
-You're right.

1546
01:21:02,930 --> 01:21:04,264
-Come here.
-Hey!

1547
01:21:04,266 --> 01:21:05,465
Come here!

1548
01:21:13,844 --> 01:21:15,544
Sophie:
How many times, Joel?

1549
01:21:16,380 --> 01:21:17,612
How many times?

1550
01:21:17,614 --> 01:21:19,180
-I don't. I don't know.
-How many times?

1551
01:21:19,182 --> 01:21:20,782
-Joel: I said I don't know!
-Sophie: How many times?

1552
01:21:20,784 --> 01:21:22,251
Joel: I really don't...
three or four.

1553
01:21:22,253 --> 01:21:24,186
-Three or four?
-Honey, I never touched them.

1554
01:21:24,188 --> 01:21:25,856
(laughs) Well they sure as

1555
01:21:25,858 --> 01:21:27,524
-shit touched you, didn't they?
-Would you rather

1556
01:21:27,526 --> 01:21:28,893
I not tell you?
You're the one that told me

1557
01:21:28,895 --> 01:21:30,228
-to be honest with you.
-I cannot believe this.

1558
01:21:30,230 --> 01:21:31,895
-I cannot believe this.
-Baby! Baby!

1559
01:21:31,897 --> 01:21:33,798
It didn't mean anything.
It meant zero.

1560
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:35,434
Well if it meant nothing, Joel,

1561
01:21:35,436 --> 01:21:38,904
then what the hell
do you feel so guilty about?

1562
01:21:41,108 --> 01:21:45,312
Because... I love you.

1563
01:21:46,648 --> 01:21:51,720
Oh... and that makes it
all okay.

1564
01:21:54,391 --> 01:21:57,526
This changes everything, Joel.

1565
01:21:58,830 --> 01:22:00,063
I know.

1566
01:22:07,039 --> 01:22:08,238
I'm really sorry.

1567
01:22:09,977 --> 01:22:12,444
(sobs)

1568
01:22:13,348 --> 01:22:15,247
Art was right.

1569
01:22:17,218 --> 01:22:20,687
You men are all alike.

1570
01:22:20,689 --> 01:22:23,624
You think with
your dicks and that is it!

1571
01:22:27,964 --> 01:22:30,666
I thought you were
better than that, Joel.

1572
01:22:32,470 --> 01:22:33,802
Yeah. I thought so too.

1573
01:22:37,476 --> 01:22:38,642
Look.

1574
01:22:39,277 --> 01:22:41,078
Look. I-- I'll just...

1575
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,480
I'll get a hotel
for tonight.

1576
01:23:05,142 --> 01:23:07,475
(sniffs)
No, wait.

1577
01:23:13,818 --> 01:23:16,887
Do you understand why I am
so upset with you right now?

1578
01:23:16,889 --> 01:23:18,155
Yeah...

1579
01:23:18,857 --> 01:23:20,023
...of course I understand.

1580
01:23:26,032 --> 01:23:28,033
I have something to tell you.

1581
01:23:30,938 --> 01:23:32,104
What?

1582
01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:40,081
Because it was me
who said "be honest"

1583
01:23:40,083 --> 01:23:42,249
and I meant it when I said it.

1584
01:23:44,354 --> 01:23:45,554
So...

1585
01:23:48,660 --> 01:23:49,859
Yeah?

1586
01:24:00,941 --> 01:24:04,043
Thank you...
for being honest with me.

1587
01:24:04,045 --> 01:24:06,011
I know that was
really hard for you.

1588
01:24:12,955 --> 01:24:15,922
-I'm really hurt right now.
-I know.

1589
01:24:22,333 --> 01:24:24,333
This is going to be
really hard for me.

1590
01:24:26,804 --> 01:24:28,571
Just tell me what I can do.

1591
01:24:34,981 --> 01:24:36,715
Just show me you love me.

1592
01:24:39,486 --> 01:24:40,752
I love you.

1593
01:24:43,858 --> 01:24:45,525
Joel: I love you so much.

1594
01:25:03,614 --> 01:25:05,047
Sam: This has been fun.

1595
01:25:06,851 --> 01:25:09,120
Now seriously, you have to
come into the restaurant.

1596
01:25:10,522 --> 01:25:13,825
You know, there's been a
few robberies in this building.

1597
01:25:13,827 --> 01:25:15,827
Do you think it would be
too much for me to ask

1598
01:25:15,829 --> 01:25:17,729
<i> if you could walk to my door?</i>

1599
01:25:17,731 --> 01:25:19,031
If he goes...

1600
01:25:19,033 --> 01:25:20,633
<i> -Oh no, no, no problem.
-Candace: You've been so nice.</i>

1601
01:25:20,634 --> 01:25:22,234
<i> -Gave me a ride.
 -Oh my pleasure.</i>

1602
01:25:22,236 --> 01:25:23,469
Asshole!

1603
01:25:28,311 --> 01:25:29,844
Okay.

1604
01:25:32,348 --> 01:25:33,647
Ah. Here we go.

1605
01:25:35,118 --> 01:25:36,651
Ah. Safe and sound.

1606
01:25:38,723 --> 01:25:39,956
Okay.

1607
01:25:41,025 --> 01:25:43,026
You know...

1608
01:25:43,028 --> 01:25:46,597
I think that you are
a very attractive man, Sam.

1609
01:25:47,733 --> 01:25:48,999
Thank you.

1610
01:25:51,671 --> 01:25:52,971
You find me attractive?

1611
01:25:54,641 --> 01:25:56,442
I find you very attractive.

1612
01:25:57,011 --> 01:25:58,310
Hmm.

1613
01:25:59,313 --> 01:26:00,546
Good.

1614
01:26:05,555 --> 01:26:07,320
No! God! Oh no!

1615
01:26:08,291 --> 01:26:09,892
Oh... what are you doing?

1616
01:26:10,727 --> 01:26:12,427
Stop toying with each other.

1617
01:26:12,429 --> 01:26:15,564
-I want to make love to you.
-You what?

1618
01:26:18,236 --> 01:26:20,570
I'm a very
straightforward person.

1619
01:26:22,140 --> 01:26:25,342
I want to make mad
passionate love to you.

1620
01:26:26,712 --> 01:26:28,380
<i> I'm about to get married.</i>

1621
01:26:29,483 --> 01:26:31,983
-She won't mind.
-How do you know that?

1622
01:26:31,985 --> 01:26:33,419
We won't tell her.

1623
01:26:34,522 --> 01:26:36,055
Come on.

1624
01:26:36,057 --> 01:26:38,191
It'll just be
between me and you.

1625
01:26:43,166 --> 01:26:46,234
<i> Oh. Candace, you're
 a beautiful woman.</i>

1626
01:26:47,570 --> 01:26:48,803
<i> But...</i>

1627
01:26:54,246 --> 01:26:55,612
No.

1628
01:26:55,614 --> 01:26:56,780
No.

1629
01:26:57,349 --> 01:26:58,715
No.

1630
01:26:58,717 --> 01:27:00,016
No?

1631
01:27:00,018 --> 01:27:01,217
<i> No.</i>

1632
01:27:02,588 --> 01:27:04,089
<i> I'm about to get married</i>

1633
01:27:04,091 --> 01:27:08,827
<i> to the most wonderful,
 beautiful,</i>

1634
01:27:08,829 --> 01:27:11,396
<i>most special girl in the world.</i>

1635
01:27:11,398 --> 01:27:12,765
<i> We're going to have a baby.</i>

1636
01:27:14,102 --> 01:27:16,035
<i> I would never do
 anything to hurt her.</i>

1637
01:27:17,339 --> 01:27:19,440
What she doesn't know
won't hurt her.

1638
01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:22,744
Hmm.

1639
01:27:24,147 --> 01:27:25,480
But I'll know.

1640
01:27:30,188 --> 01:27:31,654
Candace, you're so sweet.

1641
01:27:33,358 --> 01:27:35,392
But you're going to have to
find yourself another guy.

1642
01:27:36,829 --> 01:27:38,295
<i>Sam: I'm too in love
 with Sammie.</i>

1643
01:27:40,300 --> 01:27:41,532
<i> Good night.</i>

1644
01:27:42,235 --> 01:27:43,735
He's God.

1645
01:27:43,737 --> 01:27:46,405
I am marrying God.

1646
01:27:46,407 --> 01:27:48,842
Well I'll be damned.

1647
01:27:48,844 --> 01:27:54,848
This is a first. Porno Pete
really is just a watcher.

1648
01:27:54,850 --> 01:27:56,816
My Sam can watch
anything he wants,

1649
01:27:56,818 --> 01:27:59,587
just get me home quick.

1650
01:28:05,396 --> 01:28:08,998
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

1651
01:28:09,000 --> 01:28:10,933
You may kiss the bride.